68

Its crunch time and the sleep monkey is here affecting my writing.  I will continue to write daily but.......there are some changes about and I am not comy talking or all the world to hear.  I wonder ho man people actually read this blood I mean blog.  Yeah my eyes are shiuting and my typing is not that goo.d

67

Getting robbed is not fun.  Especially when you are not sure if you got robbed.  But its better to not be sure than to be sure I guess.  Depends on how you look at things.  Go figure.  Or am I just trying to make the best of a slutty situation..

66

Life is actually a bit more fun without the judgements, its a bit more fun when you allow the unfolding as it should.  But the two rarely compatible companions.  I wonder about this sometimes.  Late at night when the thankfulness has created bliss and everything seems okay, possible.

65

300 more days to go.  So much going on so much growth, so many barriers overcome.  I am pleased with my progress and know there are many more mountains to climb.  I look forward to the view.

64

ok the only problem w busy exciting days is that you have to get a list so you won't forget small things like the plumber is coming today.....

63

I have not been this tired in a really long while.  Ahhhh fulfillment.

62

• BLACK NATIVITY
  • EARLY BIRD TICKET SPECIAL
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Black Nativity

 Barrymore Award nominee

 Mattilyn Rochester

in a 

 production of

Langston Hughes'BLACK NATIVITY

DIRECTION AND CHOREOGRAPHY

MICHAEL LELAND

December Wednesday- Saturday at 8 Sunday at 4

Student Matinees available

St. Mary’s Chapel

1836 Bainbridge Street Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

 Directions

Featuring:

                                                                    Meryl Lynn Brown    Chris Davis      

                                                                    Tanja Dixon             Indie Ebo

                                                                    Izzy Forte                Zatina Gardner

                                                                    Lando Griffin            Martina Holley

                                                                    Samuel Lewis           Emma Perry

                                                                    Michael Simmons     Miranda Thompson  

                                                                    Romance Watson     DeAnna Wright

BUY TICKETS HERE:

https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/793305 

OR CALL 866-811-4111

Tickets: $30/$25 students and Seniors 

Friday & Saturday Night /Sunday Afternoon

$35/$30 Students and Seniors

                                  For Student Matinees or Group tickets                                  

  Marketing@theatredouble.net

DECEMBER 1ST IS SOLD OUT!

DECEMBER 5TH IS SOLD OUT!

 "Against a stark white set, Juanita voice and calls to order Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem that sings, steps, dances, and wails the tales of angry, lonely, jubilant, and beautifully colored girls who know love…and loss: everything from the loss of one’s virginity to the loss of a child to the loss of one’s self. Amid rose petals, Michael LeLand’s production is sublimely staged and superbly acted"

The Village Voice, NYC

"The fresh organic staging results in a profoundly thrilling new work. The director Michael LeLand usually ignores old stage directions and creates scenes that are totally new and vividly compelling. It is the dynamic craft of the actors in tune with the unique direction that sends this performance into a class by itself beyond the average Broadway revival"

.-New Amsterdam News

"Many Gratifying Moments. Those Moments owe to the director Michael LeLand and this disciplined troupe... There are those moments when Creon and his troops let us feel the threat Medea felt; when the Corinthian women reflect with sardonic humor on women’s lives in the ancient world; above all, when the final slaughter is described in a choked scream, then You think this company can do almost anything well…"

- The New York Times

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2010-2011 MAINSTAGE SEASON AT ST. MARY'S CHAPEL

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OF OUR 3 SHOW SEASON

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DESTINY'S CHILD 61 of 365

Steve Chandler said take all your worries and over work that fear til it does not exist.  Das what I'm bout to do!  Bam!  Take that!  Bam!!  Take that!!!  No excuses, no way out!  Success is the only outcome.

This makes me think of my dear mother.  Some qualities that are defining aspects in my character and personality are things that have rubbed off that I used to resent.  Now they seem like amazing grace. I remember going to college was like brushing your teeth to me.  It was like going to high school.  It wasn't even like there was another choice in my mind, it didn't even feel like a choice in the sense that I even had the option in my mind to decide if I wanted to go or not to go.  It was like church every Sunday morning, we went.  Since I could remember, that is what we did.  I looked forward to college like I looked forward to church.  Not until I graduated did I even realize what a big deal it was in the whole racial, socio-economc scope of things.  For this I am grateful.  Something I took for granted is something that does not happen for millions of people.  Just as church on Sundays, college after high school so it shall be with success and me.  It just is.  I think no other way, there is no other outcome and so it is and so it shall be.  Amen. 

60

Setting bedtime intentions.  Giving God the power to work out all the invisible stuff.  Setting them now.  Clear, lift and prepare.

Monique DeBose. 59

So excited to be working in a Master Mind group led by the great Monique DeBose.  That girl really inspires me.  I must also say she is not only talented but one of the most honest folks I have EVER met in my life.  If not the MOST honest.  Her quest for truth, light, love on their most microscopic levels has led to  one of the most authentic friendships I have ever had.  I marvel when I watch Monique in her light and I am beamed forward.  This is what we are here to do, shine and inspire, inspire and shine.  It just goes on and on.  I look forward to making dreams come true with this fellow celestial being.  Check out her music on her website at http://www.moniquedebose.com/

VIVANT 60 N 2ND STREET 58

  I am inspired by those who follow their hearts and create something out of them.  I used to say something out of nothing but it comes from something you!  Whoever the "you" is that is creating something from their hearts from their imagination.  I love love love people who have heart and Miss Florcy Morisset you go girl!!

HABITS 57 of 365

I stopped a terrible habit AGAIN two days ago.  48 hours.  I have had the opportunity to go back on my vow and I have almost slipped but was able to remain steady.  I feel resolute but not any happier per say.  No worries no illegal drugs or alcohol abuse but I do really respect and have compassion for anyone who is "hooked" on anything.  It is NOT easy to release vices and live in the uncomfortable moments that are in between all the other moments of life.  In between an interview with Bobby Booker of the Tribune and between darting in and out of my car in the rain today were the moments of the spirit of vice that I nicely told to get lost, we not doin dat no mo!!  Onward and Upward.

commitments 56

why did i make the commitment to write everyday for a year?  Right now I am writing because I committed to doing so.  Not because I want to, not because I have anything I would like to share with my audience of about 3.  I am writing because I said I would.  I guess that is the importance of commitments.  Sometimes you are not into it but because you are committed, you kinda find the meaning.  In finding the meaning I acknowledge myself and feel in some small way I am coming into my own and maybe other commitments won't be so scary for me....

BLACK NATIVITY Rehearsal Day 1 55

starts tomorrow.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Contact: LaNeshe Miller-White
                fortheloveoftheater@gmail.com
                203-522-0615

For immediate release:

Regional actress Mattilyn Rochester goes national on HBO – yet holds local ties in Philadelphia production.

Philadelphia, PA – 25 October, 2010 – Barrymore Award nominee actress Mattilyn Rochester made her debut  appearance on Martin Scorsese’s Boardwalk Empire on HBO on Sunday, October 24 at 9pm. Although she has reached this  national platform on a major cable network, Rochester is also keeping her local roots, starring in Theatre Double’s holiday presentation of Black Nativity, “a Holiday Musical Spectacle” at Saint Mary’s Chapel, 1831 Bainbridge St., Philadelphia, PA, 19146 – December 1- 31.

Boardwalk Empire is set in Atlantic City, New Jersey, during the Prohibition era. This period drama follows ‘Enoch "Nucky" Thompson’ (played by Sopranos star star  Steve Buscemi). “Nucky” (based on the historical Enoch L. Johnson) interacts with several historical figures, including mobsters- namely Al Capone, politicians, and government agents. The government takes an interest in the bootlegging industry and other illegal activities in the area, sending agents to investigate possible mob connections and taking a close look at the lavish lifestyle “Nucky” lives to be a county politician.

Regional starlet Mattilyn Rochester appears as babysitter for “Margaret Schroeder,” played by Kelly MacDonald. One of the only African American characters to be seen in the entire episode, Rochester’s character plays an important role in revealing key information about the relationship between “Nucky” and Ms. Schroeder.

Outside of her upcoming role on HBO’s Boardwalk Empire and Theatre Double’s production of Black Nativity Rochester’s credits include the film Beloved staring Oprah Winfrey and television programs such as Law and Order, Cold Case, The District, and Law and Order: SVU.

To see Rochester in her upcoming Philadelphia performance: tickets range from $25-$35 (with discounts for students and seniors). Tickets can be purchased at theatredouble.net or by phone at 267-575-4888. Shows are Dec. 1 – 31, Wednesday- Saturday at 8pm, Sunday at 4pm. Saint Mary’s Chapel, 1831 Bainbridge St. Philadelphia Pa 19146

####

Mattilyn Rochester: Mattilyn Rochester received a Barrymore Award nomination for Ozzie Jones’ Black Nativity in addition to nominations for the Otto Haas Emerging Artist Award and a NAACP Image award. She will be featured in the sixth episode of Martin Scorsese’s hit HBO drama Boardwalk Empire. She has also made appearances in television as well as both feature and independent films including Beloved staring Oprah Winfrey,  Law and Order, Cold Case, The District, and Law and Order: SVU. Ms. Rochester was featured in the BBC’s Crossing the Color Line where she was interviewed by Harvard Professor Skip Gates along with Samuel Jackson, Nia Long, Chris Tucker .

Performance credits outside of the screen include Disneyland Tokyo’s Big Band Beat, a show featuring Ms Rochester with a 19 piece orchestra. She recently created (wrote, developed and starred in) A Song for My Father, a triumphant look at the resilience of the human spirit and a personal journey to freedom. A moving and delightful view of the world from childhood to adulthood, the play has been staged in California; plans for a U.S. tour are currently in development.

For Colored Girls 54

Saw it again for the second time and really have a different perspective.  There were moments of genius in the film and although there were some issues those women gave their hearts and souls to this film and they shined!  A light and voice was given to the black woman that has not been given and that MUST be celebrated.  There were some jewels there and THAT must be celebrated.  The critical eye must rest sometimes to make room for the birth of new voices and our stories.  We must make room.  I am a colored girl and my voice, my story, my pain, my lessons and my strength and power were there.  They were there.  I was seen and though not perfect, here I stand as did this movie.


CLICK "SEE ORIGINAL POST" to get the book

What to do? I GOT THIS DREAM NOW WHAT? 53

I just realized that if you are reading my posts from facebook you may not be seeing all the photo's, book recommendations and or photo's that I am posting.  If you ARE reading from FACEBOOK, CLICK THE LINK that says VIEW ORIGINAL POST to see some of the books and links that don't always translate over when it posts on facebook.

I was asked the question the other day about the realities of life as they relate to a dream. It was important to do several things. 

1. Make sure your goal/dream is at least 50% believable.  Wait it might not have been 50 any USM'rs reading this please post the percentages.  But some percentage believable.  You gotta believe your dream a lil bit.  At least a lil for starters.  Do you believe somewhere in your heart that you can achieve this?  Are you seeing it?  Are you speaking it?  What are you seeing and speaking and what are the competing intentions around your dream/goal?  Meaning you have a dream of wanting to have children but secretly you don't feel you deserve them because you had an abortion when you were 14 or something like you want to be a fitness model but don't think it possible because you are 80 pounds overweight and secretly eat Twinkies at night.  I don't know what the competing intentions are but they exist and must be managed.  

2.  Create an Ideal Scene or a Vision board.  Something that you can see and look at everyday that holds the idea of you realizing and living your dreams.  But you want not only things but you want emotions, how you will feel, the quality of life and the mental and space you will be in.  Then measure how often do you feel and see yourself in the way you are in the board?  What can you do, what small steps can you take to bridge the divide?  Who can you seek support and help from.  

3.  Share you goals and dreams with those that you trust.  Not because anyone is capable or has the power to take your dreams from you for this is impossible. BUT when unsure and uncertain one can certainly give their power away to others.  Remember it is what you believe is possible.  But share with someone who can hold light and space for you and your dreams.  Ask friends when they have seen you in your light and make a list of these instances and review them daily.  

4.  Create practices that support your hearts desires.  What are some small things that you can and will commit to daily to cultivate the living, social, personal, spiritual and actual scenario's you want in your life.  Even if what your job or life is now is vastly different from your dream what small things can you commit to daily that will bring this about.  YOU HAVE THE TIME.  Make the time for you.  Another thing I used to tell my Weight Watcher members was to remember the announcement that the flight attendants always make before a flight departs.  If those air bag thingies pop down and you have small children, PUT YOURS ON FIRST.  The instinct is to put the child's on first.  But what happens if you pass out before that happens, a child may not know how and both of you could perish.  When you can breath you can better assist your child's breath.  So it is in life.  Take care of you everyday, you will have more energy to devote to the people and things you care about.  

5.  Even if you are doing something you don't like or want to be doing.  DO YOUR BEST.  Always put your best face/foot forward.  

6.  Fake it until you make it.  Live, act, breath, speak, dress and live from a place of you having already achieved your dreams.  Life is about the journey not the destiny.  Your life is here and now.  Always all we have is what is right in front of us.  

7.  Affirmations.  Write them, copy them, bite them, listen to them or all of the above but have them in your brain to drown out the madness.  The brain does not really know the difference between the real and practiced event.  I remember one time a group of girlfriends and I were getting ready to go to a big party.  We got together in my apartment before hand, we were clowning around, dancing, laughing, trying on each others clothes and teasing each other.  It was like a slumber party.  We finally got to the party before we all looked at each other and realized we had more fun getting ready for the party than actually being at the party.  Remember it is about the what?  The JOURNEY...

8.  Fill that date book up with meaningful appointments that move you towards your goal.  Steve Chandler once said something like, 'show me a dream deferred and I'll show you an empty calendar.' So many times we say we don't know what to do next and that simply is not true.  You do know what to do.  Do it.  Challenge yourself and figure out a way to feel the fear and do it anyway.  (watch above USM video or if viewing from FACEBOOK click on VIEW ORIGINAL POST to view video)

9.  Have fun.  It's just life.  We take all of this way to seriously.  God put us here to shine.  Then SHINE and give the creator GLORY.  At the end of the day its not about you.  If you have a gift get out of the way and add your light, your love in your own unique way and help bring light to the world.  It's what we are here to do!!!

Thanks

52

Not sure whats wrong but I feel sick to ma tummy.  I think that is all I can write for today.  Saw "For Colored Girls.." Was in NY for an audition and now in bed praying for sleep...

THE IMPORTANCE OF AFFIRMATIONS 51 of 365

There are some questions that I hope will be answered in this short blog and tomorrow's blog.  But in the meantime there are lots of untruths floating around in our heads.  One way of getting rid of that gunk is to face fear and limiting beliefs with experiences.  Making bold choices, taking big chances.  Change is bound to happen.  Another is to commit religiously to a spiritual practice of remembrance.  One way that I remember is by listening to Louise Hay of the Hay House.  She is a bad mamma jamma.  As a leader at Weight Watchers I used to tell my members they didn't gain their weight overnight and they wouldn't loose it and keep it off overnight.  Learning new patterns of thinking and being take time.  We must exercise gentle patience with ourselves as we over-ride limiting beliefs.  Affirmations assist us in replacing thoughts and fears with new thoughts based in the truth of who we really are.  Get these affirmations, put them on your iPod and listen, take in the God in every song, phrase and statement of TRUTH.  

Wishin on a STAR 50 of 365

YAWWWWWN!!!!
This new yet simple concept is energizing my life and browsing a beautiful friends pictures from FACEBOOK captured the essence of what I have been pondering and gearing myself up for.  "Pursue your wishes passionately"  That's it.  Concise and to the point.  That is my point, that is my goal to pursue all that I love and want in my life passionately.  To be graceful yet fearless in these pursuits.  To look any fear in the eye and challenge the lies that exist in my consciousness and lay them all to rest and to live in the truth of the light of who I am.

Who's to blame??? 49 of 365

Recently I was reminded of an old habit that I was, in the past, on the receiving end of.....and have come once again to this question, "how do I stay in my power, speak my truth, not take on other's stuff AND remain in a loving place?"  The article below helped answer this age old question.  Hope it helps you to.

The Blame Game -excerpt from The Blame Game 76 
"People who blame others have perfected the art of ‘scapegoating’.  Deep inside they believe that they are above reproach and they will lash out at anybody who criticises them and they’ll sacrifice whoever or whatever who tries to dent their self-image.  They might tell you that they only did it for your own good, or they were trying to help or save you from yourself.  The worst part, is that they get indignant when you don’t show proper thanks for what they did.
    Blame is just a defense mechanism.  The pain each person feels is real to them, and it’s often very painful to take responsibility for something that goes wrong or doesn’t work out.  The only way out of playing the Blame Game, is to change your thinking and start taking responsibility for your actions, accept your past and learn to forgive others.  It’s no good holding onto past hurts and using them as convenient excuses from time to time.
    It is completely normal for someone with lots of fears, to believe that everything they feel is somebody else’s fault.  We don’t want to take responsibility for our own fears.  The Blame Game really gets into a higher gear, when each partner starts blaming the other for everything wrong in their lives.  Their relationship becomes like a war zone, with each one sniping at the other.  “I had a bad childhood, so I can’t help the way I am.    If you were more understanding about that, then you wouldn’t force me to behave badly!”  
    That often results in the other partner sniping back, “Your bad behaviour has caused me to feel badly about myself and to think I’m worthless.  Therefore, I’m too scared to think for myself and that’s your fault!” Of course in reality, the language they use might not be as savory as the language I used.  Regardless of that, you cannot win in the Blame Game.  Resentment, fear, anxiety, loss of self-esteem, anger – are all by-products of this game.
    People who rush into rebound relationships after a break-up, are also playing the Blame Game.  This isn’t really fair on the new partner who is usually an innocent Victim in the Game.  Rebound relationships are just the hurt partner’s way of saying, “I wasn’t at fault for the break-up.  Look, someone else wants me now.  I am lovable and desirable after all, so the fact the relationship didn’t work out has got to be all your fault!”
    That’s the beauty of always blaming others, we just blame everything bad that happens on someone else.  That way we stay perfect because it’s never our fault.  My youngest daughter is already a good player of this Game.  A good example, and one that seems to happen quite often, is her bringing me a mug of coffee she made for me.  My son, as usual, will be clowning around in the room.  She’ll look at him and spill some coffee on the floor.  Immediately, before anybody can even say anything, she’ll start shouting at him for making her spill the coffee.  How did he do that?  He was on the other side of the room at the time!  My daughter’ll tell you, that he made her look at him, so therefore her spilling the coffee is solely his fault.  She’s very clever.  If she does something wrong, she’ll always react immediately with anger at all and sundry.  She gets in first with the angry outburst, blaming others at the top of her voice, and that serves to take the attention away from what she did wrong.  Unfortunately for her, we are all on to her, so she doesn’t get away with the Game she’s playing.  Hopefully, she’ll eventually realise her strategy doesn’t work and will start accepting the responsibility for the things she does.  At the moment though, her Blame Game is all about – ‘Look what you made me do!’
    Other people are just as cunning, if not more.  Steve used to push my friend Angela’s buttons, until she couldn’t take it anymore, so she would react emotionally, often with a huge outburst.  His instigating, button-pushing and winding her up would be so subtle, that other people around her wouldn’t notice it.  They would, however, notice Angela’s reaction, and they would sympathise with Steve for having such an ‘out-of-control’ wife.  Steve would then have an excuse to physically ‘restrain’ Angela, as he was ‘worried’ she might harm herself.  The sad thing, was that everybody agreed that the bruises Angela got every time Steve had to restrain her, was her fault.  Even a therapist they saw, said that as long as Steve’s actions continued to arise out of good intentions, then it was okay!  Steve managed to blame Angela for his bad behaviour, and he’s still getting away with it!
    You have to remember, that people abuse or use you because there is something wrong with them.  You haven’t done or said anything wrong – the problem lies with them.  Basically, they have a low self-esteem.  They don’t like themselves, and rather than trying to change what they don’t like, they make others take the responsibility for their behaviour when they lay the blame on them.  Deep down, they know you don’t deserve it, so they hate themselves all the more for hurting you, so it’s all your fault that you make them hate themselves – it’s just a vicious cycle they can’t seem to break.  Eventually over a period of time, they actually start believing it is all your fault, because that makes them feel as if they haven’t done anything wrong.  You can’t try and explain things to them, or lay a guilt trip on them.  In their eyes, they have done no wrong, so you are just wasting your breath.
    Often, we blame others for holding us back.  We might say, “If it weren’t for you …” or “If I didn’t have children, I would…”  We use other people as a convenient excuse to avoid doing something.  It’s easier to just give up, avoid taking that risk or making that decision, and putting the blame squarely on someone else.
    A great example of this is Jason.  (The poor man must surely be feeling his ears burning by now.)  I can remember Jason wanting to buy a Mercedes Benz.  As I was the only one bringing in an income, I told him we couldn’t afford it and had no need for it.  Our Volkswagen was just fine for our family.  Jason refused to accept the fact that we just could not afford a Mercedes.  He tried many strategies to persuade me to let him trade in my Volkswagen for that Mercedes.  First, he would introduce the fact that he just ‘happened to drive past the car yard and the Mercedes was still there – unsold, must be a sign’ into every conversation.  When that didn’t pique my interest, I would have to hear how they let him take it for a test drive and it had the quietest motor ever.  He went on and on about the Mercedes, and what a great deal they offered him on it.  I stayed firm and held on to my “No, we can’t afford it.”  When these tactics failed, the Blame Game started in all seriousness.  
    “You don’t want me to succeed in my life.  You don’t want me to have anything better than you.  You always have to be the best.  You have to always be in control and the only successful member of the family.  I could have been somebody if it wasn’t for you always holding me back to make you look good!”  This was often accompanied by temper tantrums and things been thrown around and a helluva lot of swearing.  At me naturally, because I was the bad person here.  I took all of that blame and abuse, because I knew that we just could not afford that car.
    His next attack, was that the reason he couldn’t sell any offshore investments and get commission so he could contribute to the family table, was because he didn’t drive a car befitting a successful businessman.  His logic was, that if he drove around in a Mercedes, then people would see that he was successful, so then they would do business with him.  Therefore, it was my fault that he didn’t contribute to the family income, as I wouldn’t let him drive a car befitting a successful businessman.
    Then he changed tack.  He told me that he hadn’t wanted to alarm me, or cause me worry, but the cylinder head in the Volkswagen had a huge crack in it, and he was expecting the engine to seize or the car to conk out and give up the ghost at any time.  Not being a Petrolhead, I didn’t know what to look for in the engine to see whether or not he was telling the truth.  I suspected that his story was all bullshit, but by this time I was so tired and exasperated with the whole car saga, that like a dumb mug, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and….yes.  I relented.
    Jason never explained the details of the great deal he had organised, to me and I stupidly assumed it was just the normal kind of Hire Purchase deal he had arranged.  Well, what eventually came out, was that he used my Volkswagen as a deposit, and told them that he was a high earner and would pay 10 000 the one month and 15 000 the next.  Just for the record, I was only earning 2 500 a month at the time!  Needless to say, he never paid them a cent bar the initial deposit with my car as trade-in, and they repossessed the Mercedes the third month that he had it.  My Volkswagen that was used as a deposit was lost in the deal that never was, and we were completely carless.    The final straw, was when Jason turned to me after they took the car away, and said, “This is all your fault.  If you had had the balls to stand up to me and say no, then this wouldn’t have happened!”
    I have to say, that sometimes I think you can’t win.  It’s like – you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.  As you can well imagine, this little incident wasn’t very good for our marriage at all.  Things got worse when I came home with a car I bought from a tax refund.  Jason’s reaction was the classic, “Well what can I say?  You are a better man than I’ll ever be! "


Wake up call for the day  

48 hours

Driving home tonight from a full day of bustling about I was thinking of what from my amazing day I would share.  I was driving in the suburban town that I grew up in and was struck by the two young men standing on a corner.  Here?  This place was once a utopia.  I remember hearing stories about from my parents from when they first moved here.  They were the pioneers that helped integrate our lane.  In elementary school we had square dancing as a part of our gym requirement.  This place where we once left the doors open 24 hours is now guarded by ADT.  And now young black men on corners are a part of the mosaic.  My first thought was how terrible this is, how awful, how the neighborhood has gone down, how I should call the police and ask about the curfew and tell those boys to go home.  Then I thought....to what?  What will they go home to if they are standing there hoping to not get caught adding to the destruction of a community they don't even know exists; they cant possibly be going home to the home that I imagine.  I sent them love and light reflected on a conversation I had this past week and thought- it indeed is an epidemic...what will you do?

I'm hungry

my tummy is hungry, not the longing for I miss food kind of hungry but acids in the stomach I wanna eat hungry.  Ill go to bed hungry.....sounds like a punishment......"you'll go to bed hungry!"

Juicing and Water 47 of 365

Juicing lasted until about 6pm when I arrived at a baby shower.  I left my carrot/apple/beet juice chilling in the car.  And then it happened.  "Hey nice to meet you my boyfriends mom is from Haiti and she made this dish......" I didn't hear anything more.  I actually started salivating.  I didn't overdo it but that yummy spicy stuff was not juice, neither were the wings.  As I started the negotiations in my head I decided when I got home that maybe I would juice til dinner and try to be sensible and see how that goes.  Onward and upward.

On a weter note....I go into the bathroom ready for the bubbles and warm cozyness I had prepared and BAM......WATER EVERYWHERE....HELP!!!!  Roto Rooter to the rescue.  yikes.  As my grandma used to say, "life is a set of challenges......its how you deal with them that determines......" something or another but yeah that.

Thinking about juicing again 46

This book is only .80cents!  I think I will add it to a few that I have already.  But I feel a change in need indeed.  I enjoyed the 7day fast I did last year but I must say I was in Thailand alone and had nothing else to do but concentrate on me.  It was just me and only me to think about for 7 glorious day.  All my troubles were just somewhere else and it was divine.  Wake up at 7am get to the bungalo for yoga @ 7:30. Colonic at 10 massage at noon, beach at 2, colonic at 5, steam room at 6, EMT at 8 and by golly by 9 it is time for bed so I can do it all again.  A day full of taking care of myself was something else.  I feel one a comin on.  At least 3.

DAILY DOSE get it 45 of 365

Inspiration for the day.....face your fears.....dealt with the IRS
reward your self with more inspiration....saw SECRETARIAT.......wow so inspiring....check it out

ACCEPT AND BUILD 44

I had some humble pie and then I turned it around!  Voice lessons are terrible for the ego.  But then again the ego is good for some things and very limiting for others.  For example, it is important to strengthen the weakness in a foundation.  I had surgery in 08 on my chords.  The entire way that I have sung my whole life needs to be deconstructed, a new foundation laid and built again authentically me.  Now when this is happening I feel like I have no idea what I am doing.  I feel naked, I feel afraid and unsure; a vulnerable place for a performer.  My ego says, "We don't need no lessons!  We get paid to sing, you have been the best, you are the best!  We are fine just the way we are!  Look how far we've come Africa, Europe, Asia, North America  if it ain't bro...."
I have to interrupt
"Ego...it is a bit injured, not broke....I want to climb that mountain ego.  I know you are scared but we will be okay.  We have to feel ugly and lost for a bit but I promise...you will shine again..."

And so it goes.  I am in negotiation with different aspects of myself and forging forward.  Past the pain of my voice teacher who condemned me for singing anything but classical music - I have loathed voice teachers ever since and thus thwarted my limitlessness- past the fear of needing to impress and undressing my voice to hear the truth.  What is my true voice when I stop trying to wow and impress with my big notes and heavy sultriness?  Who am I as a singer and am I brave enough to bring forth this new sound?  What will it sound like?  People like what I give now so why change?  Will people like it as much?  What if they hate it?  Again I have to pacify this voice and trust that the truth of my voice will remain intact and accept and build........yeah a creative growth moment. ....yeah

Sick and Tired of being sick and tired......43 of 365

"Excuses are tools of the incompetent, and those who specialize in them seldom go far."
I remember when pledging we had to learn this quote.  I remember it well because no matter the task and excuse would never do....only the bottom line mattered.  Did you get it done?  Yes or no. 


This is something that life and a couple of ego busters has moved into my reflection.  If I don't like what is happening, how about I stop making excuses about it and get a move on?   "What do you really want?"  Someone asked me last week, he then went on to say, "...you are either creating or reacting....wanting something is on the reaction side.....what are you doing?"  


With this in mind I searched the world wide web and found a host of additional quotes on excuses.  They are like pests.....lets begin the extermination!!!!!


An excuse is worse than a lie, for an excuse is a lie, guarded. Alexander Pope


Every vice has its excuse ready. Publilius Syrus

Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible. Francois De La Rochefoucauld

The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses. Napoleon Hill

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. Thomas Szasz

We are all manufacturers. Making good, making trouble, or making excuses. H. V. Adolt

We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse. Rudyard Kipling

There aren't nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses. Marcus Stroup

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. Don Wilder

People with integrity do what they say they are going to do. Others have excuses. Laura Schlessinger

For many people, an excuse is better than an achievement because an achievement, no matter how great, leaves you having to prove yourself again in the future; but an excuse can last for life. Eric Hoffer

I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse. Florence Nightingale

And before I burden you with more excuses  I will end my last one in love....

“Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse.”