Friday, December 31, 2010

94

I banged my leg today on a shopping cart.  It hurt so badly I almost threw up.  Now that is pain.  I wasn't sure I would ever walk again.  The pain subsided and I recovered and all was well.  Such is life.  The good, the bad the ugly pass and are replaced by more good, bad and ugly....and beautiful and special and surprising and what not.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Two shows left......................93

Just when you start to find your rhythm curtains up!  Why is that?  I was missing my father before the show tonight to the point of tears.  And he came from wherever he is and sat right in the center of my heart.  I looked up into the nothingness that we call air and mused to myself, "Is this real?"  Or is it my minds way of coping with life.  Whatever the answer I was healed and transformed and have a feeling that someone in the audience, cast and me were transformed a bit to.  I guess that's all that matters and thats all we have really.  What motivates us.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My shoes 92

omg I didn't write TWO days in a row and NOT on purpose.  So many things going through my mind.  I let someone wear my shoes today.  Two things about that.  I wish I were not attached to things so much.  They are just shoes.  Secondly I have great taste.  Those shoes looked good on that girl and I was like, yah no you gotta take those off! What does it mean when someone walks in your shoes?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas Day a play by play 91

6:15  Arise and shine.  Sent Kia a text, "I'm Up" We planned to go to our schoolmates church up the road for an 8am Christmas service.  It is cold outside.  Mom is still in bed rushed the dog outside for a quick pee and off to be with Kia and her family.  Ahh family.
8:15  Service @ Abundant Life Fellowship (I think that is the name) church.  Very nice short and sweet service.  Wow why do I know the words to the scripture?  Oh it is in the show "Black Nativity" that I am starring in.  Look at Aubrey up there giving the good word of light and love for the holiday.  Listening to all of the praises of thanksgiving and gratitude for the past year.  He had everyone speak as if they were at the manger speaking to Jesus himself, 'Jesus I am so grateful for...."  It was so nice to hear all the young people talk of the joys of life.  A woman got up and shared that she lost her daughter 3 months ago to the day.  Wow and she was thankful.
9:30 Back to Kia's with the kids.  Eating momma Marilyn's quiche.  I love Kia and her family.  We did the math on how long we have been friends.  I told her she couldn't tell the world because of course I am an actress and the world can't know.  But I am proud of how long we have been voluntary friends.  Not bonded by anything but kindred love for one another.  Kia taught me so many valuable lessons of friendship.  I recounted the story to her family of how when we were in high school I was jealous and talking about her to some other school mates and the word got back to her.  Many people would have turned that into an ugly scene from some bad high school TV show or movie.  But my Kia pulled my collar and told me that she heard I was talking about her and that since we were friends, best friends she thought, and that she never spoke badly about me that she did not expect or accept that behavior from me and that I should, 'get it together'.  I agreed apologized and we moved on.  Now that's friendship.
10:45 Went two doors down to Janet's because I saw a family friend outside and said hello and Merry Christmas.  Janet showed me the beautiful necklace her son's got her for Christmas.  She was moved to tears.
11:00 Home.  'Wake up mom!' We are headed with dog in tow to the Jefferson's.  Friends and family since before I can remember.  They have a pajama brunch Christmas.  Casual and full of good food and lot's of love.

1pm  John & Omega's.  It was a great time but I just was not happy.  I tried to be.  I read a great post on Facebook about just even if you are blue to just not be because it is Xmas!!!  Christ was born!  To save you and me!  I was still blue but able to see what and where gratitude is.  We ate.  Puzzled a butterfly puzzle.  Laughed.  My lil dog Kichi-Bao was even there playing with Stanley a dog 5 times her size.  I want a family of my own....and that is clear.  My life is exciting and wonderful.  And not but AND I would love to enhance it by having a loving family of my own.  So many people say it is over-rated well then just about everything is so you might as well go for what you want and take the good with the bad.

4pm Dinner and Bev and Dave's.  Family friends.  Moments of sadness but those two lil lil ones just made my day.  Good food.  Some talk.  Said a terrible thing about myself that I regret.  Wonder why I said that.  Do I really believe that or am I just saying what I think you are thinking?  So tired, so drained. Too tired to go to Philly where I know I will be around less family folk and more single fun folk but I just am sooooo tired, worn down and need to be still.  Plus I have a show tomorrow.......but it will be fun.........take care of yourself my friend..........okay!

9pm Back to John and Meg's.  I wanted a re-take on my shoulder and I forgot my Xmas t-shirt which was by the way hilarious.  Opened my gift from my bestie..........spa day!!!!!!  And that is the long and the short of it.  In times like these I realize I am a bit vulnerable, a bit sad, a bit all over the place and it is okay.  I accept myself even in this state because this to is a part of me.  Aspects.  What is in order is a bit of tender loving care.  The spa is what I need, what I want and where I will be spending some alone time this week.  Yes and Merry Xmas. 

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas 90

Well at least its not Thanksgiving.  And I have to be all grateful.....did I just say that?  Yeah it was a rough day for this Rochester.  With-holding not included.  I am grateful as always but in a bahumbug sort of way.   Christmas is a time for family and while I am grateful to have my mother I am so aware of the missing parts.  It is a lonely time for me I must admit.  Its strange there are some things I do so well.  I am talented and I know what I know about my craft.  I know it.  Some people are amazed by what I do but it is as if it is ...........just was interrupted by a phone call from a dear friend and I am in a whole notha place.  A good cry and a lil self forgiveness go a long way baby.  Merry Christmas.  Sorry the sob story was cut short but I ain't sad no mo!

Friday, December 24, 2010

And a Child Shall Lead Them 89

Someone completely blew my mind away today.  Told me about myself to my face and I was shocked at what my fear and manifested and how unconscious I was about the whole thing.  Thankful that this person took the time to speak to me with the integrity that I seek and was not reflecting and I was "checked" best believe.  I love it, I love life.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

today 87

Christmas lights almost up.  So grateful for my assistant.  Want more.  Need to get in the game.  Nauseous. Hopeful.  A bit stressed.  In like. Great conversations with a wonderful actress that I respect so much.  Released more of my story.  So much to do.  Very much wanting to be here but less afraid of dying.  Acceptance.  I love you but your story is not my story and your pain is not my pain.  I am joyful.  I love life.  I am scared sometimes.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Young and Dumb 86

A friend/collegue  said to me once, "I believes in God and know he is mighty but the one thing God done dat don't make no sense to me, if I could ask God one question I would say 'God. Why you waste the wisdom on the old folks who can't do nothin bout what they know no more and waste youth on bein so dumb' dat just seems backwards to me Matt the one thing God done dat just don't set right with me."

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Give not that which is holy unto dogs............................................85

Sigh!!!  I did it again.  I woke up with this heaviness on my heart and with a sigh a deep sigh of un-relief I realize I must be gentle with myself for this I fear is a life lesson...  I then looked at my girl's blog, which you should by the way check out and she was talking about the same thing!  I know many people don't combine christianity and past lives but I do.  And I am reminded time and time again that I am here in part to learn Matthew Chapter 7 Verse 6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.


I did it again.  In my girls blog (click "my girls blog" in previous paragraph) she spoke of people pleasing and I to am in treatment for this disease.  Many people suffer, unaware that they have been infected with the need to please.  Knowing is half the battle and then again ignorance is kinda blissful.  So with a gentle  hand I pry my eyes open to see how I have given that with is holy unto dogs.  


A man that I didn't know told me once that it would be helpful for me to understand that I do not need to do or be anything to receive love from my beloved.  As a performer always looking for new heights this is an important concept for me to know and understand.  I recognize and realize that I am talented but I also am aware that I sometimes do too much because I think just my presence is not enough on stage or that my voice needs to be bigger, fancier. (btw come check me out in Black Nativity because I am actually working on finding the beauty in some of the quiet moments on stage)  This translates to so much in my life.  Another women in California told me once that 'you already have presence, you already are powerful, as soon as you know that you won't have to ''put on'' its already there you just have to be'  Wow......so me trusting, that is the real key.  Living in that is the real discipline.  Gently watching myself and reminding myself to do nothing and to be and to stand in the light of THAT being to stand in my Godlight, my divinity to just allow the melodies of heaven to rain down on me, to just be grateful is my task and intention for the coming year.  To know that any time I am needing to "do" something to gain someone's approval or favor that I am off the mark, off my center and move back into alignment is my goal.  


Now a question comes forward, well sometimes folk need help?  Maybe they don't know?  Maybe they will think I am not interested.  


I would love to drum up some comments on this.......what do you think?????

Saturday, December 18, 2010

84

Commitment is writing even when you don't feel like it because you said you would.  I am really proud of myself for the art of allowing.  The art of allowing people to show me who they are without me having to do, prove or be anything.  It is a discipline to say the least but I am learning that when people don't show up or meet some expectation I may have that it really is okay.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Good and Tired.................83

Gimmie that ol time religion, its good enuf fo me.............There is some beauty about hearing a story over and over again.  Kids do it to the point of being annoying.  How is it that they can watch the same show over and over and over again.  They can recite a show line for line and STILL watch it.  So it is with the Nativity Story.   I have heard it all my life for one.  This is the 4th Black Nativity incarnation that I have performed in and somehow it is different and somehow I find beauty in the story.  I find inspiration in the simplicity and nakedness of old time, old fashioned religion.  Just good ol faith and magic in something outside of the scope of your own understanding.  A miracle, sort of like seeing a new born baby child taking its first breath.  Life is a miracle and there is beauty in this season.  I am grateful to have noticed.  I am exhausted but it is all good.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A simple question 82

What do you do when you want something so badly and it is just out of your reach?  What do you do when you are so close yet so far away from something that you can smell it you can taste it in your mouth but you are not sure.  What do you do?   The path less travelled is a path for the strong of heart.  For the bold in spirit not in mouth.  I mean you could have a bold mouth but it really doesn't matter what comes out of your mouth it is your actions.  What they say, what you do that is in the saying what is produced for your effort, your essence your energy mySelf.  That is what really matters.  How will I make my life better?  

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

COLD 81

"You are from NJ!  You can't be cold!!"  Oh yes the hell I can!  I am NOT and I repeat NOT in to this cold weather.  I am longing for the shaking warm grounds of Los Angeles.  Where I can still go for a jog by the beach in December.  A coat is needed but man o man I had on a full length mink today and was STILL cold!!!  I mean come on!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Best show yet...................................80

I love performing.  Did I say I love performing?  It is hard work.  But I love it.  I am it and I am my best self when doing it (performing that is).  I pray for a lifetime full of this or something better for the highest good of ALL concerned.

Tomorrow I will be performing at the Drama Guild in NYC and I am very excited about the experience.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Phones and Life 79

So I got the Android.....Not the iPhone but its fun and will keep that part of me that likes gadgets and new things occupied for a while.  AND I did not go down with AT&T, they said I owed them over 600 but could not tell me for what.  And since I am not a AT&T customer I couldn't be down with that!

I just browsed an article about idol Crystal Bowersox  (read article here)  The thing that really touched me was the when she talked about how hard life was for her son.  She talked about eating out of trash cans and how he had a "moses basket" to sleep in.  Since I am doing Black Nativity and half of my lines in the show refer to the manger and Jesus sleeping among the swine and how there was no place for him anywhere, this story touched me because you never really know where you are gonna end up; weather you sleep on pins and needles or a sleep number bed.  Crystal also went on to say that even though they didn't have crapola that there was always, "love, love love"  This is what her spirit is to me one of infinite poise, grace and wisdom.  She went on to say he was getting a race car bed this Christmas and that he has all the "things" he didn't before.  What stood out as the constant was LOVE.



Get Crystal's album today!

Missing my iPod Touch, wanting an iPhone and the lovely Review...78

I missed 2 days!!!!!  And not on purpose!!!!  I actually forgot!!!!  So today so as not to forget I am writing in the middle of the day and not before going to bed like I usually do.

The past few days have been filled to the brim.  I am noticing a sense of overwhelm that I think can be remedied by having my iPod Touch that was stolen replaced.  I JUST replaced it in July and now it is away from me again.  My organized life was on that thing.  And while I could just write it down I know what happens.....my surroundings begin to resemble a scene from "A Beautiful Mind" with Russel Crowe, pieces of paper everywhere with notes and messages to myself strewn about.   I then thought well I may as well bite the bullet and get the darn iPhone....to no avail.  I do have an iPad but they are just not the same.  I want my iPod Touch back or an iPhone and that's that.  Until then I must make a change.  Today my goal was to just sit at my desk.  It is piled with things to do and like I thought once I sat down a 30 minute task turned into an hour.  The tension only slightly subsided there is much to do in the life of me.

On a happier note, Black Nativity got a really nice review.  I love when that happens.
 read below for the review.

'Black Nativity' is the Christmas story, pure and simple

Black Nativity - a mixture of Langston Hughes' words, traditional carols, and gospel-genre songs that can be set partly in Africa, or on a slave ship, or in someone's house - is putty in a director's hands. Michael LeLand, who stages and choreographs the energetic current production by Theatre Double in Center City, plays it simple, and it works.Not only that, it works like no other holiday show I know of on a major stage hereabouts: It's a real telling of the Nativity, a show that actually bows to the biblical story of Christmas, and not the gift-giving, or the money-spending, or any of the stuff that is Christmas-minus-religion.
In fact, Black Nativity is unabashedly religious, and refreshing in that sense. For nine years, until 1994, it was a fixture at Freedom Theatre on North Broad Street, until that institution became money-strapped and stopped producing regularly. There, it changed each year, and it's unlikely that one Black Nativity you see will be exactly like another. Some directors set the first-act Nativity story in Africa, and some set the second-act gospel meeting just about anywhere.
LeLand's sweet production is site-specific: It's at the lovely St. Mary's Chapel on Bainbridge Street near 19th, where the voices of the 13 cast members reverberate in harmony, bouncing without echo off the walls and into the pews. The chapel's interior may be built classically of stone, but it has excellent acoustics, at least for this cast.
LeLand gives us a Black Nativity completely without pretense. The carols are sung traditionally. The modern songs are touching in the way they address God, or invigorating when they break into a welcoming gospel feel.
This rendition has no intermission - it runs about 100 minutes - so it's a bit of a jarring surprise when the cast abruptly transforms from its biblical roles into its current-day gathering of nameless souls who praise the Lord and pass the adoration to one another, in featured songs.
Even though the two parts are not exactly seamless when presented as one, they remain woven by music - often powerfully sung and sometimes without accompaniment from a sole piano off to the side (played by Donald Locklear at Sunday's opening, but also by Carolyn Vance).
LeLand and the cast begin with a rousing "Children, Go Where I Send Thee" - his rich bass voice is a trademark for the production. Mattilyn Rochester, who looks regal at the church podium as the narrator of the Nativity story, is LeLand's equal as a powerhouse in her "O, Holy Night" and "I Want Jesus to Walk with Me." DeAnna Wright, Tanja Dixon, Tiffany Webb, Meryl Lynn Brown, Sam Lewis - they and the others raise a joyful, sincere noise. And check out the rendition of "Scandalize My Name" before you go around bad-mouthing anyone.


Read more: http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/howard_shapiro/20101209__Black_Nativity__is_the_Christmas_story__pure_and_simple.html#ixzz17jhNb7Gh
Watch sports videos you won't find anywhere else

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

76

caught a cold.  Talked about people too much.  Was not in my loving as much as needed.  Ate too much.  Forgive myself for it all. Now getting some rest.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Be a Vessel 74

How to block out the doubts and be, as Judith Jamison says, a vessel.  That is my intention for tomorrow.  To be a vessel.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

73

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Mattilyn Rochester, who has a recurring role on HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire,” will star in Theatre Double’s production of “Black Nativity.” — SUBMITTED PHOTO
Mattilyn Rochester, who has a recurring role on HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire,” will star in Theatre Double’s production of “Black Nativity.” — SUBMITTED PHOTO
Barrymore Award nominee actress Mattilyn Rochester made her debut appearance on Martin Scorsese’s “Boardwalk Empire”on HBO last month. Although she has reached this national platform on a major cable network, Rochester is also keeping her local roots, starring in Theatre Double’s current holiday presentation of “Black Nativity.”
Rochester appears as babysitter for “Margaret Schroeder,” played by Kelly MacDonald. One of the only African-American characters to be seen in the entire episode, Rochester’s character plays an important role in revealing key information about the relationship between “Nucky” and Ms. Schroeder.
“When I went to Brooklyn, which is where they actually shot most of ‘Boardwalk Empire,’ we did a table read, and I was literally the only Black person at the table read. There might have been one person of color that was maybe on the writing team, or was possibly a grip or photographer, but that was the only other Black person I saw walking around.”
“Boardwalk Empire” is set in Atlantic City, N.J., during the Prohibition era. This period drama follows Enoch “Nucky” Thompson (played by “Sopranos” star Steve Buscemi). “Nucky” (based on the historical Enoch L. Johnson) interacts with several historical figures, including mobsters — namely Al Capone, politicians and government agents. The government takes an interest in the bootlegging industry and other illegal activities in the area, sending agents to investigate possible mob connections and taking a closer look at the lavish lifestyle “Nucky” lives for a county politician.
“And historically, that’s just not accurate — and I don’t know that as the story progresses if they are going to really accurately portray where we were in Atlantic City, because we were there, and we were powerful there. African Americans had a pivotal role in the vote. I do know that the author of ‘Boardwalk Empire’ is doing a book about Blacks in Atlantic City and that the character Lucky Thompsonunderstands the power of the African-American vote. I’m hoping to see some of that in the coming season.”
During December, Rochester leads a multi-generational cast of 22 in Langston Hughes’ “Black Nativity.” The actors range from Philadelphia Tribune founder Christopher Perry’s great-great grandchildren, Izzy Forte and Emma Perry (both 13) to 80-year-old Romance Watson.
“The challenges to be an artist in this culture can be tremendous, but there are times like this one where I can watch Madeline work and sing for hours on end where it’s really quite a treat,” said Theatre Double’s founder Michael LeLand. “We have a wonderful ensemble that’s very unique and is a celebration of the holiday time, the African-American family and a good look at the Nativity story, which is very integral to western civilization.”
“Black Nativity” is a retelling of the classic Nativity story with an entirely Black cast. Traditional Christmas carols are sung in gospel style, with a few songs created specifically for the show. Originally written by Hughes, the show was first performed on Broadway in 1961, and was one of the first plays written by an African American to do so. Rochester, who received a Barrymore Award nomination for an earlier Ozzie Jones production of “Black Nativity” in addition to nominations for the Otto Haas Emerging Artist Award and a NAACP Image award, says it’s good to be home.
“I lived in Los Angeles for seven years and then in Japan for a year so coming back home is wonderful,” said Rochester. “It’s almost like coming full circle for me. I’m a preacher’s daughter and I have sat with the Buddha and I’ve been all over the world — and had a ball doing it — but it’s something about that name ‘Jesus’ that brings me home. I’m so excited to be doing ‘Black Nativity’ and to be singing the songs I grow up singing and to integrate them with Langston Hughes is all home for me.”
Theatre Double’s “Black Nativity” will run at historic Saint Mary’s Chapel, 1831 Bainbridge St. through Dec. 31.
Tickets can be purchased at theatredouble.net or by phone at (267) 575-4888.

Contact Tribune Staff Writer Bobbi Booker at (215) 893-5749 or bbooker@phillytrib.com.
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