Ekko

Ekko my hairstylist.

Here and Now

I realized that the countdown has begun for the end of this adventure and while I am excited and afraid for the next leg of my journey I will miss this time and all I have experienced here. I am trying to remain in the present and be "here" while I am physically here. I was walking through Ikspiari today and as people bumped and pushed me getting off the train in their excitement to get their "Disney Magic" fix I wasn't bothered. It rained today and the flurry of umbrella's, fans waiting at the train station to get their glimpse of their favorite Disney performers on their bustle to work, I tried to take in everything. A walk that I have made everyday that is now "normal" to me will soon be a distant memory. The people that I have spent every day with, rushing to get out of that dressing room every evening at the end of my shift has been my pattern but today I took my time, packing up my computer and saying goodbye to all the "genki" excited Japanese performers. I will miss those walks down the hall, past the boys dressing room, the office, the male and female dancers rooms.

Thank You!

I want to thank the two people who recently signed up for this blog. Please pass the word on!

If you have a moment please pause to post a comment of gratitude and read what others have to say, you never know it may inspire you. What are you grateful for today? So often we focus on what we need, our next step or what is going to happen today.

Today, in this moment I am grateful to be home. I am sitting at my desk in my apartment with a potato baking in my microwave/oven, listening to Japanese television. Packed on the subway coming home I was but a dark spec in an oasis of "other" than me and I felt at home. I am grateful to be home wherever I am. I am grateful that my vocal chords are healing despite myself; the body has amazing healing qualities. It regenerates and heals with the smallest bit of attention. I met a Japanese girl on the bus, her name is Aida. She knew the story of Aida and was beaming at my recognition of her name. I am grateful for brief aquantances. Japan is still an innocent place where children ride the bus alone, I am grateful that this country is not yet afraid of predators. Today, I laughed, sang, danced and I am grateful for this. "With all the sham drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world, smile, strive to be happy"

Morning Pages

Julia Cameron wrote this book called the Artist's Way. In it she suggests doing something called the morning pages. You wake up and write 3 pages of anything. Just as long as you write. That's the thing about writing, you have to write in order to get something down. I guess with anything you have to actually do it. Do something.

The great thing about performing everyday in front of 1500 people 2-5 times a day is that I get to really know a song in a way that I never would have known it had I not performed it over 15 times a week. And Japanese audiences are such that it is really important to believe in yourself, ride off of your own energy in a performance and not off of the energy of your audience. This is a new way for me. Usually there is a give and take that you can feel with American audiences. Like I can tell if they liked it or if they didn't like my performance based on audience response. Well you can't do that in Japan. You will finish a performance and barely hear a response and then I will run into a "fan" and they will talk about how much they love me. I am usually always shocked but this is a wonderful and new muscle to build. Taking the "do they like me" out of the equation and performing for the god's so to speak. Letting my unique flower bloom in its own unique way.

Once I saw Jill Scott perform in LA. I knew her casually in Philly but before she became famous. In LA I was looking at her and saw that her performance had changed. In looking at her it felt to me like she was actually having an audience with God or at least some angels. Yes we were there and she was connected to her audience but you could tell she actually loved the sound of her own voice. She loved it. Not in an egocentric way but in fact Self-love. I've been reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. He says that we can't allow ourselves to love us any more than we love ourselves. I believe this to be so true. One of my father's last words to me were, 'Sis I can't take care of you anymore, you gotta love you, no one can love you unless you do'. This notion has been around for ages but I am starting to understand it emotionally and fundamentally.

People have always told me how beautiful my voice is and I have always compared my voice to the voice of someone who was making more money than I and putting myself down. This energy bleeds into everything. My goal is not to be like Jill Scott but to feel that connection with all the arch angels and to suspend myself in time and space and be connected with all that is God and let my light shine and be blessed also.

This is a gift I have been given by the Japanese audiences. It has helped me to find myself and validate myself for myself. Ahhhh the Japanese.

A call to blog readers!

Hey if you follow this blog or even read it a little I encourage you to sign up as a follower! I am about to apply for a the best job in the world. To work in Australia for 6 months as a correspondent to the Coral Reef's and I need as many folks as possible and your name on my blog will help this. Please sign up. Just click on the link on the side of this blog and you will help me continue this journey from Japan to AUSTRALIA!!!

Cold and rainy in Japan!!!

Ohhhhhhh ma goodness it is cold and rainy!!!! Taking the Disney bus to the front gate, checking out of security and that long walk to the Maihama train station was not as hard as it could have been because I was distracted by the pleasant conversation with Brian, a singer from our show. From the train station is a bus ride on the 11 to E-Village. The windows were fogged up I couldn't see when the stop came. A little Japanese boy was staring up at me and I wanted to scold him for not having a coat on and for wearing flip flops with no socks. I'm certain his mommy will scold him when he gets home. I made a quick stop to the "dozo" (have it) pile in the lobby. People who are moving out of E-village put things they can't take with them in the dozo pile and those of us who remain pick through what we want. Tums, some un-opened dental floss and Crystal Light On the Go was all I could get before the winds took me to the elevator. It was a "man-down" situation for sure.

Safe and sound in my apartment. I couldn't bear to watch CNN with all the gloom and doom of the US's current financial mayhem. I turned to MTV when they said unemplyment has doubled and the state of finances are worst than WWII. I am grateful to be here with a job that I love and am a bit scared for April 3rd to arrive.

Ne-Yo

I went to a Ne-Yo concert tonight in Tokyo. It was good. Over 8.500 people. Tickets were 85US a pop. Wow. Not a lot of gimmick. Just good music, great sound courtesy of Jaymz a good friend of my boyfriend's who invited me to the show and got me and Emma great seats. It was interesting to see. We went to Roppongi afterwards to Friday's and I ate and drank too much. I am good on a program but every day eating and living is still a challenge for me. I am sick and tired of starting over tomorrow but what other choice do I have. As Donny McClirklin (sp) says, "We fall down but we get up!" I will wake up tomorrow. Give thanks for the new day and try again to love my temple that houses my soul a bit better. I will try to eat in moderation and resist the temptation to diet. It is so hard but I will try again. A wise fool once told me, "trying is like constipation.....it ain't shit" I can just make the decision to do it. The great philosopher Goethe said that, "Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." I just found out that Goethe gets credit for it but it was the words of William Murray. Whoever said it maybe that is the bottom line. I haven't committed to honoring my temple at all times. I will look for the commitment tomorrow then.

The Japanese were so orderly at the concert. So polite in their feverish fan-fare. The left the stadium in such an orderly fashion I thought I was at a fire drill at my old elementary school. Outside I was waiting to meet Jaymz and one of the band members with a hood waved at the crowd and they saw a black man in a hood and thought it was Ne-Yo. They went crazy. Security came running and put up barricades and the band got a hearty laugh. Ah the pureness of the Japanese. And yes, "we all look alike"