226

lesson for the day
maybe start writing your blog BEFORE the end of the day

225 Random

Chealsea Handler is hilarious
My mother is the funniest person I know
I cut all my hair off
I think I am finally turning the scale in a positive direction a time when loosing is winning
My house is getting clean and I am getting organized
I feel hopeful about life
I want to paint
I have a dull headache
I want new lamps in my room

224 Today I'm Remembering Daddy

My dad passed, transitioned, whatever you want to call it, six years ago today.  I was having a little resistance celebrating this fact with my family members today.  My aunt is the gatekeeper for our family.  At 80 when she 'transitions' what will happen?  When I told her I didn't think I could make it she replied, "please..." and my heart melted.  In the melting process some sadness for my daddy seeped in.  I found myself crying sitting in the second pew of the church that he and his brothers and sisters grew up in.  I looked around at all the reminders of him, his two grand-nephews were the light torch boys (can't remember the word), nieces singing in the the choir.  I motioned to my cousin Rhonda who is a trustee and rock of the church for a tissue. "You got a stuffy nose?"  I poked my lip out.  Daddy was all around yet missing.  My mother stood up to give greetings and seemed particularly playful.  Not a usual characteristic of hers. My father was the jester of the two.  He took unusual joy in embarrassing his family members at events like this.  At one "Rochester Church Day" in his yearly introduction of 10 brothers and sisters and their children and children's children, he mused at a 'new' cousin.  "Oh you a new one!" As the church rustled and cousins looked around at the offspring of a brothers discretion that was being introduced to the church at the same time they were being introduced to the family.  Or he would have me stand and make some snide comment about how he was taking applications for duly employed sons or nephews of church members on my behalf.   My mother stood a little unsteady at first and leaned on the pew in front of her for support.  She started with, "I am the former widow of Bishop Enoch B Rochester" 'Former widow?' I watched her and wondered what would emerge from her lips next.  She went on talking about how she loved the church that had raised her husband and how kind they were and what she said next had me awestruck.  "...And this is my daughter and she needs a husband, so if anyone can help...."  The church erupted in laughter as I shook my head.  My father somehow managed to take hold of my mothers mouth and give a dig to me to let me know, he is and always will be with me.  

223 MY PRAYER

Now I lay me down to sleep...I pray my over 1,000 'friends' on facebook take a few moments out of there busy lives to vote for an opportunity for me to be on Mad Men.  I also pray that they don't just click the link that says "like" because that doesn't mean that they have voted.  I pray that they follow the directions and sign in on the link in the upper hand left hand corner and then go back to the link and click VOTE under my angelic photo. Amen

it's easy to VOTE:

1) Click onto the linkhttp://madmencastingcall.amctv.com/browse/detail/3cffa8e3f990c15461f29e61b86163678b873d63

2) Go to LOGIN [in the top right corner of the page]

3) Register to vote by clicking the facebook symbol

4) Then go to to the VOTE Button under my picture.

222

I cooked some amazing peanut stew and curry chicken today.  It felt good to have friends over to commune.  I still have lots to do.  Mood:  pensive

221

it was a good day and I'm still doing my morning pages.  went out, always meet amazing people when I go out.

220 of 365 WRITERS RETREAT

I had an AMAZING weekend.  Haven't had one like this in a LONG time.  My time was spent writing for 12 hours (not all writing) with an amazing artist named April Yvette Thompson.  She is patient, clear and actually helped me in places that I need help.  I learned from mistakes in fear that I made and I, for the first time in a long time, could actually hold the vision that I will publish a book one day soon.  I saw a possible path; a way.  I have always known my stories are rich and insatiable but beyond my friends and the few people I meet on my path I have never felt diciplined enough or organized enough to bring my stories to a larger audience; the world.  She made this possible.  We all know that we need to hold a positive intention, focus or attitude.  What I also know is that in those intention we must also hold a place for the angels in human form who make it a part of their larger vision to assist others along the way, ya know like pay it forward type stuff.  I am grateful that I took the time to nourish myself this weekend.  I will be able to nourish others.  Got to put my mask on first (if you fly you know what I'm talkin bout)

219 of 365 Seeking Success

‎"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." - Joseph Campbell


This is an interesting statement.  I have been told over and over that I am funny.  Doing stand up is such a frightening endeavor.  What I am learning is that by facing that fear I may indeed be finding that which I ultimately seek.  This statement reminded me of this fact and I am grateful.  


Tomorrow I begin a silent two day writing endeavor.  With so many brilliant ideas surging through me this will give me an opportunity to silence the lambs and focus on birthing one so that I can make room for the many other ideas that are begging for life.  I need a mid-wife!!!  lol!!  I am very excited and cant wait to see what God decides will come forward in the next two days.  

218 of 365 Finally

I finally have an audition that I am excited about.  Part of working as an actor is, well, WORKING.  Not all of the jobs are fun, they are creative and exciting in the way that you are getting paid to do something you love doing BUT I have been longing for a project that makes me excited.  I have not booked the job yet but the prospect of the job is so exciting.  It is fun, about relationship, and the dates and times work and are a perfect fit for my life right now.  The money could be better but I am excited to sink my teeth into this one.  I am also excited that I am taking a 2 day, SILENT writing retreat. AND I am getting tested tomorrow for ADHD.  People have joked with me saying I have ADD and I finally decided to check it out.  I don't actually think I have ADD but boy I would love to finish my book. FOCUS!  Finally some movement!

217 of 365 Are you there Vodka....?

I am in LOVE with this book.  If anyone hasn't noticed I have been in a bit of a huff.  In my intention to live a joy filled life I decided that AFTER my pity party (gotta have a pity party) I would read last night.  I bout the book at the airport over a month ago and started reading in earnest last night.  I decided that I had enough of the self help books that I love so much but never seem to finish and opted for some idiot relief.  And what a genius of an idiot she is.  I literally laughed out loud on the train today while reading it.  She is brilliantly funny and laughter is so healing.  It moves your energy straight up!!!!
In ancient greece they considered humor to be a "gift from God"  and what a joyous gift it is.  Made my day for sure.

The audition went great.  I was asked to read for another part, which made me very happy. The casting director said my read was "perfection"  which means absolutely nothing in the casting world but it was better to hear that than "what the heck were you thinking"  So it was a good day.  And I laughed.  A LOT.  THANKS CHELSEA

216 of 365

Soooooooo.  I have an audition tomorrow and for the first time in a while I am NOT that excited about it.  I have not booked anything in a couple of months and I just am not amped about it.  I wouldn't mind booking it but I don't have the energy to invest and then get the ole let down.  I will go, do my best and forget about it.  I just don't have the energy to care.  And I hate jobs that have me as some old ass servant to someone else. It is a brilliant piece of literature and an opportunity to do what I love so, I'll show up.  High involvement with low attachment to the outcome.  That's what they say, well I have low involvement and low attachment to the outcome.

btw, I am watching Celebrity rehab and it is stressing me out.  Michael Lohan is stressing me, I am about to have a heart condition.  This is too much.  WAtching out of control people is stressful.  

215 of 365

Okay, so I am learning some things about myself.  And rant begins NOW
I CAN'T STAND people who DON'T LISTEN and try to pull attention in class.  It urks my nerves.  They say when you are "upset because...." it is an uncovered personal issue.  When I follow this thought and ask why this bothers me...wait also, while I'm at it, I can't stand when people make spiritual statements that are condesending and full of judgement and opinion and guised in esoteric spiritual prose.....okay back to why.  Why do these things bother me?  Because they feel manipulative.  I got issues with people manipulating (has happened) or trying to manipulate me or others.  It actually enrages me.  I should be more specific but I am a punk...read the book....
I am taking a writers retreat sat-sun and hopefully the book will be coming along.

I will pick up the stand up tape but I think I look God awfully fat so I am not sure I will post it.

I have not been serious about my quest for true-love and marraige.  I have had too many detours and the birthdays keep coming.

I am not happy with my career and think I need to do something BIG but don't know exactly what.  I know I need to shake it up a bit.  I don't promote myself, follow up with cards and letters and I don't go to events and networking opportunites.  I was inspired when I watched the Katie Perry true Hollywood story.  That girl has drive and passion.  I have been at this acting game and love game all my life.  I have failed for over the past 20 years at both. That is more than half my life.  Boy am I determined.

I have been proposed to in the most insulting and unromantic way.....and I considered it.....sheesh...where is the love?

I am sick of people that I wouldn't EVER consider getting the courage to confess there love.  Where is the REAL love.  I am so sick of excuses and drama I find it hard to go out at all.  I am over bars, clubs, parties and social events.  They BORE me.  People BORE me.

I don't miss Japan anymore.  I am thinking about moving to Australia and seeing what the acting scene is like there. I like myself when I travel.  I want to merge the traveling me with the now living in the United States me.

I think that's my truth for the day.   Thanks for listening.  

214

So last night I went out to Serefina with two friends and we met FBI agents!  The best part?  They were human.  I imagined guys like this to be cold and narrow minded in scope, almost roboty, but they were wise, grounded and had such a human feel and there conversation was filled with insight and heart.  It did my soul good, I felt protected in the world.  

213

zumba, lost 1.4 pounds, made two important phone calls.

212

My first day of rest all month and I feel guilty!!!!! Yikes!!!  I rip and run and rip and run and I did nothing today and felt pretty bad about it.  Well I did go to a zumba class, grocery store, juiced and fixed dinner and made a few phone calls and paid a few bills.  But it felt like nothing because there is so much MORE to do.  Books to read, ideas to jot down, projects to finish, people to thank and make contact with, an office to organize, people to call back, appointments to make, so much to do.  So much to do. 

211

I have been informed that I AM SLIPPIN!!!  And I must admit I am!

July 22-29 Houston Texas
July 29th My Birthday and a rainstorm that had our power out for 3 days!!
July 30 MY FIRST! Standup performance and Carolines on Broadway.  A thrilling 5 minutes I must say.  I made a video but I look very fat so I am not sure I will post it.