BORED

How can you be bored in a new country.  Michael Beckworth founder of AGAPE in Los Angeles said that boredom is the minds way of distraction.  What am I distracted from?  Sight seeing?  Exploring?  I feel like Kimberly Elise's character in Beloved.  She never left her yard.  Stayed close to the house.  

My friend Chris is here to fill the day.  

Just another day in Tokyo

Okay so I got a new camera and my computer is not recognizing it so you will have to wait for photos.  I am listening to some Acid Jazz and it is actually getting on my nerves so I think I will turn it off.  I had this whole image of me in my studio blogging away with low lights and acid jazz.  Uh, don't think so.  And the low lights are making me sleepy.

Now with silence, my thoughts and the ticking away of my hands translating the thoughts my mind is sending them I feel at peace.  Today I don't think I interacted with any Japanese.  Oh no I am wrong the girl at the counter at Wendy's and the guy in the international market.  That was it.  I learned a new word, how much?, but have since forgotten it.  I will work on that one tomorrow until it sticks.  'How much?' is an important word.  I know how to say it in French -com bien- don't know if I am spelling it right but I do know how to say it.  French won't help to much in these parts.  

Last night I accidentally took a triple dose of some of the medication I have been on.  Ooops.  Thank God I am here to tell about it.  Not that serious really since I have been told that because of the stature of the people and inclination towards a more holistic approach to healing I don't think my over dosage was any more than an actual American dosage.  Or that is what I keep telling myself.  But tell that to my liver.  I was wondering why I kept going to the bathroom all night even though I hadn't had much water.  My body was trying to purify itself.  With my doodling on the Japanese instructions and me trying to recall what the translator explained from the pharmacist, mistook 1 tablet 3 times a day for 3 tablets 3 times a day.  All day long I was wondering, 'why am I so sleepy and loopy feeling?'  I was hallucinating a bit as well.  Well just having an extremely vivid dream.  

Luckily I re-read everything this morning and realize that I did not have enough of the most important meds and that I had been taking too much of the other.  Whatever I did, my voice is not hoarse today and I feel well on my way to recovery.  I am usually a much more obedient patient.  My bad.  

I tried to have complete silence today to rest my chords some more and it did not happen.  Not singing is more difficult than not talking.  I was never aware of how much I hum a little ditty or sing a short verse until I spent the day trying not to have any vocal sounds come from my mouth.  Interesting.  I had to stop listening to music this morning because I was singing too much.  Or was that the meds?

I cooked Chicken Caccitore and brown rice for dinner.  The brown rice was cooked in a rice cooker and came out like mush.  All of the instructions are in Kanji one of the three written Japanese languages and I am not certain that Paul the kind building super understood the directions any better than I did.  Kanji evolves and changes so that older people sometimes have difficulty reading newer more evolved forms of the ever growing language.  Paul tried to explain as best he could how to cook the rice, which buttons meant which but by the time I got to the actual cooking I was even more confused.  

I added a side dish of eggplant parm. and Lateefah and Chris joined me for dinner.  I wanted to invite Tee as we call her because she has been holding it down singing my shifts and her own shifts because I am out on vocal rest.  Even though we are paid to do five shows a day, we rarely are required to.  Tee has basically been doing what we were originally paid to do.  But I was grateful that she came in on her day off yesterday and took one for the team.  

And that has pretty much been my day, that and catching up on episodes of "Dirt" a FX show that gives the grimy more real side of Hollywood.  Wow, I still wonder how I will get from here to there.  Do I have to pull some kind of stunt?  Loose 100 pounds?  How will I get the people who make the decisions about who gets seen for what parts in Hollywood to care about Mattilyn Corelia Rochester?  No one quite like this one here people.  

I am open for comments and suggestions on this one guys.  

YES WE CAN

"ONLY IN AMERICA"

I am watching the Obama biography video  and getting ready to hear the next president of the United States of America speak and my heart is stirring.  I don't know why I have flurries and butterflies outside of the obvious.  The obvious being I wish my father were alive to witness this day the same day some 45 years later that Martin Luther King Jr. said, I have a dream.  Or that I feel connected to my country, to being an American where my dreams can actually come to fruition.  

I remember when Jesse Jackson was making his bid for the presidency.  I was young but had seen a lot.  I had witnessed my father get jumped on by toy cops at Six Flags Great Adventure in NJ.  He bought over 200 people from our church conference every year to this park.  He and his friend Rev. Tate witnessed a black man being brutalized by the cops and they stood and asked what was going on.  I witnessed them jump on my father and throw him in the back of the car.  I witnessed them apologize only when they found out who he was.  But what if he was just him and not a title.  I have been teased for talking looking to black, big eyes, big butt, big lips and a big nose.  I have been followed in stores for browsing while black, I have been run off the road for driving while black while in college.  Not an American, separate, wrong somehow for being black.  I was, in the 5th grade, not encouraged to join a spelling B or move to the next level buts scolded that I was winning too much and had to give the other kids a turn.    

I remember learning about Abraham Lincoln freeing the slaves and being murdered.  I remember learning about Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X and the Kennedy's all hero's shot down before I was born.  I was taught not to hope too much, don't make too much of a stir, do good enough but not too good, it's not good to have too much.  Don't put a grand idea or hope that will only be shot down into the minds of a black boy or girl.  You can shoot for your dreams but not too high or too far.  

I remember thinking how futile it was for Jesse Jackson and how thwarted was my ability to hope for him.  But today, as I have strived and hoped to dream the impossible dream for myself.  That I a woman, black will get an Academy Award at this stage in the game.  That I can affect change or instill hope in someones life.  That I can inspire others and touch others in a way that only I can.  Without having to take my clothes off or show my ass.  Today I am still dreaming that dream for myself AND I am dreaming a larger dream for my country.  Today hope revived, I believe Yes We Can.  

However large or small are dreams are, YES WE CAN and Yes I Can.

"And God Bless the United States of America!" -Barack Obama  

Polyps

So I went to a world renowned doctor today.  He told me I had the best looking vocal chords he has ever seen in his life.  That was the good news.  The bad, because I started singing too soon trying to people please or Disney please as usual, I harmed my vocal chords and now have a small polyp on my right chord.  The silver lining in all of this is that I went in to this world renowned vocal specialist, had I not, instead of taking 5 days off of singing and speaking (more or less on the speaking) I could have possibly destroyed my voice and the wonderful range that I have.  Wow.  The tears lessoned on that one.  And still I feel a bit guilty, putting the load on Lateefah.  But if the tables were turned I would be holding the load for her.  So I pray she can hang in there for a sistah.   Damn!

I go back to him on Monday for a lookie.  He said when I heal he will be in the audience, from the looks of the chords, I can blow!   Hallelujah. 

Mondays

Okay so today was interesting.  I lost my temper which is something that does not happen to me often.  Well maybe it wasn't my temper rather my cool.  My feathers got a little ruffled. Lost in translation again.  I should know better I keep telling myself but the thing about cultural integration is that I am here to!  I matter!  Okay so what happened?  The show was going fine  until the curtain call.  Oh... before I forget a few of you have been asking about when the show will be on YouTube.  Well, I am not supposed to do that....stay tuned.  

Curtain call.  I wait back in the wings until the thick red velvet curtain comes down, there is a flurry and scurry of dancers and singers moving on the stage and off the stage.  I am moving onstage next to one of the male singers for our bow.  Normally I cross far upstage near the orchestra.  Today on the first of 5 shows I may have gone a bit further downstage than normal.  Well excuse the heck outta me!  I narrowly missed a handsome Japanese dancer.  I should know his name right?  I don't.  I will get it.  I am learning names but it is a challenge.  Everything doesn't sound entirely the same anymore like mush to my ear but now it is just a matter of me remembering what I hear.  Well, we did not collide (the handsome dancer and I), the curtain was down so the audience didn't witness our almost mishap, and all was well.  Or so I thought.  An hour or so later I was in the male dancer's dressing room watching episodes of Sex in the City and telling a story about me outsmarting the 8th grade bully Dardie at Memorial Jr. High.  When I was politely approached by the dance captain who had a book with all these drawings.  Now here comes the cultural part.  When someone speaks English to you,  or I should say speaks English to me.  I tend to comprehend and experience them from an English perspective.  My first error.  She goes on to explain to me all the exits of dancers and how I have to wait for this dancer to exit and I should follow behind the singer and wait a few seconds for this dancer and that dancer to clear me.  All the while she is pointing to these stick figures and squares and triangles in the book.  It looked like a football playbook to me.  I was a little pieved but I said, okay and went on about my 7th grade victory over the mighty 8th grader.  I told Dardie off and got the respect of the whole 8th grade!  Dardie never picked on me again and we even became friends.  

Second show of 5, curtain call  I do what I am asked by my Japanese peers......I'M LATE!!!   I smile and beam at the eager audience and do the curtain call but I was not happy.  All that goes on back stage is not as important to me as what happens to and for the audience.  'Ah Matt it's no biggie' I tell myself,  I quiet my ego who is going on and on about how, 'Well you the one who looks stupid and you trying to dart in and out and that is not what the director told you to do and you are out here looking late!  Like YOU don't know what you doing'  I hush my ego, push away the anger and that's that.  

After lunch my throat which I am still nursing back to health is in need of more and more water.  3rd show of 5.  After my big number I have a not so quick change into another costume for a group number.  Normally I go and switch in and out of costumes with no problem.  The only problem which isn't really a problem is that I have to go to the ladies room from the unusually large amounts of mizu (water) that I have been consuming.  There are lots of undergarmets that we wear to look so beautiful and sleek on stage so I have to take off  the one gown, my undergarmets and quickly put on a robe and slippers and make it to the bathroom which is at the other end of a long corridor.  So I am making my way with my baby blue robe and pink Crocs and I hear, in hushed hurried English, "Sorry, sorry Matt, sorry Matt!"  Well no one did anything so I turn to see who has done what to warrant such a sorry.  "Goooo!!!!"  The petite always polite dance captain is yelling at me- so I move to the side and let her pass.  Now remember, I am not normally in the hallway so I gather after she dumps one costume and runs a few feet ahead of me to two waiting dressers to put on another costume that I have interrupted a quick change.  I quickly quiet my ego, 'she didn't have to yell!  how the heck was I supposed to know!', explaining that well she didn't have to yell but she was in a rush.  Off to the the bathroom I rush and back into my now quick change to finish the show.  

A knock on the door and one of the twenty something stage mangers (there are so many of them) that we have is quietly saying, "Matt--ooh!"  which is how they say my name (Matt then oh!) I come out and he is explaining to me as best he can in his Jap-English that I was in the way and can I wait and on and on and on.  I politely nod, not feeling the need to explain my position or my bladders position and think, well just let this go and say "hi" -which means yes.  And on to the 4th show we go.  

At the end of the 4th show our dressing room is filled with Monday's usual suspects - myself and Dani, we are doing all five shows today, Chris, Jayson and Haydin.  There is a Australian TV show on the DVD player that no one is watching and napping or quiet conversation going on.  A lot of nothing really.  In enters James another lovely singer and vocal captain.  And dagonit if he isn't telling me that he and the dance captain have just watched the 4th show and that I didn't push the dancers hand exactly on the line.  I was a few seconds late.  Is it me or am I being punked?  Well I began saying, "now maybe we need to get an interpreter because I am feeling a bit picked on today and I am starting get upset."  The more I said, 'I'm starting to get upset', the more upset I became.  Before you know it I was raising my voice and being calmed my James.  I thought and said to him that yeah I get the whole, they do things a certain way but so do I.  I take my work and the quality of my performance very seriously and frankly this is getting on my nerves.  It is taking my focus away from the performance and on something that to me has nothing to do with nothing!  

Here is where my cultural learning came in.  It really was NOT personal.  I could not understand why the dance captain came to me once and then used the stage managers and then the vocal captain to talk to me.  It felt very personal and nit picky.  It felt petty.  I had my dukes raised ready for a junior high school battle.  3 different people approached me about things that to me were unimportant.  To them, I was told, they thought maybe I didn't know.  I am thinking, well if I haven't done it at all before, wouldn't you think it was a small unimportant error.  Mentioning it yes, but telling this person, to tell that person, to watch a video tape, have 3 meetings, get charts and talk to me??  Between what I thought, what is normal to me and whatever they were thinking there was a misunderstanding.  I mean come on.   I am sure wars have been fought over sillier things.  

Rainy Sunday's

So I have Sunday's off.  Last Sunday I went to the doctor's office.  I never actually saw his mouth because he had a mask on.  I did not take it personally since I see lots of people with masks on here and there on the subways and what not.  It's pretty interesting actually.  My interpreter Masa suggested  I get one as well.  I had a virus in my throat and was prescribed 5 different pills!!! 

At the pharmacy I had to jot down what was what for obvious reasons.  I now have a cough I didn't have but who knows.  Lot's of rest and I really need to take care of myself a bit better.  Today was nice though.  I got 5,000 yen in the mail (yeah you get mail on Sundays!!) well not actual cash money but I could use it at the Ito which is a department store one block from my apartment building.  It has a KFC, which I haven't had yet, a McDonalds (okay once.... okay okay I had it 2xs!), a grocery store, and every other kind of store in one building, I guess its a mall but not really.  I walked around and got some things to make life easier.  It's been raining since yesterday so I bought a cute little blue raincoat, some kitchen items, some celery so I can make some potato salad, and just a little bit of this and that.

I cleaned my apartment, Skyped with Jason, Sarah and Beverly and watched episodes of Monk and CSI Miami.  I didn't really feel like I was in Japan today just far away from everyone I know and love.  I think in the next couple of weeks I will be ready to venture out into the world a little more.  

Last week I went to the Park Hyatt Hotel in Shinjiku with fellow cast mate Chris.  It's the hotel the the movie "Lost in Translation" was filmed.  We spent a lot of money eating in the restaurant on the 42nd floor of the hotel that looks out over all of Tokyo.  It was wonderful.  The food was a taste of heaven as was the service.  

The shows are going pretty good.  I kinda like when my voice is hoarse because I am forced to be vocally creative.  So this week has been fun.  The audiences are amazing.  I am amazed at how they love the show.  There were these two women sitting in the front row who caught my eye during my last show yesterday.  They were waving wildly at me so I gave them a quick wave back.  There heads collided with such force I thought they would knock each other out.  I almost lost my step in our dance routine.  I felt like I made their day with my acknowledgment but little do they know, my heart was tickled!  

Lost in Translation

Okay so I woke up Wednesday morning after visualizing myself on the stage singing and wooing hundreds -after pushing the scary thoughts of me tripping on stage, the audiences hating me for some unknown Japanese custom I unknowingly trample over- with a SORE THROAT.  It was the first notion of 'am I nervous?' that I sorta kind of listened to.  But I didn't feel scared, nervous, I mean yeah the normal regular kind but this is?  Maybe my throat hurt because I have been running around in 100+ weather and sleeping under the air conditioning, because I don't have one of the masks that I see so many people walking about wearing.  Is there some virus I know nothing about?  Some alert I am unable to discern on the news.  They could be yelling, "Everyone hold your breath for 30 seconds or you will catch a cold!"  Whatever it was I opened with a sore throat and a stuffy nose.  

I had Thursday off and stayed in bed with a humidifier on all day.  And performed 3 shows on Friday with an even stuffier nose!  I feel like crap and just don't do the cold thing.  Today, stuffed up on the Disney tram filled with the hustle and bustle of foreign sights and sounds.  I got the first pang of homesickness.  What do you want when you are sick?  I want comfort foods, I wanna turn on some episodes of ANTM or Law and Order, Monk, or American Justice and just wait the cold out.  A quick call to my doctor and a 5 minute ride up Westwood Blvd. to the CVS and my sore throat is a distant memory in the morning.  

When I got off the train, Campbell a guy in the show who is extending his contract to ours, showed me a place he goes to when he is feeling a bit under the weather.   I got some Tokyo Borscht upon his recommendation, and Beef Barley soup.  Took some Alka Seltzer that Kimila, cast member who left for Oklahoma today and am praying for sleep.  Maybe I will download ANTM from iTunes.  I know there is much lost in translation.  

OPENING DAY!

Today I went into the amazingly beautiful Disneyland Sea park with Jayson Holley an amazing dancer in our show.  We met up with a past cast member of Big Band Beat and 4 fans of the show.  Whenever they get a chance they come to see the show.  

I called myself a self stalker because I was in line with the fans for several hours to see the show that I will be opening tomorrow.  But I am so glad I did.  It was the current cast's last show and tears were shed and it was wonderful to witness.  The show is just a great show and their energy was one I would like to maintain every day in my performances.  I aim to walk and sing in the spontaneous joyous energy that I felt today.  

 When the show was over I saw fans -who see the show and then run out to get in line to see the show again- weeping at the loss of their stars.  It was something.  I mean I want to interview some of these fans to find out just what motivates them to come to this particular show everyday 5 times a day.  I almost appreciate my own culture more here because it is appreciated on such a deep level by the precious Japanese.  I saw more adults in the park than children.  They just love the characters that we often take for granted but bought us such joy as children.  Seeing couples walk around with Mickey and Minnie ears and Goofey tees holding hands and waving wildly at Jason, because they got a glimpse of him in the park on his day off.  Maybe it's because it isn't a fabric in the Japanese culture that it is so different and fun and magical that even I really feel transported into a magical world at Disney here in Japan.  Dreams really can come true!  The attention to detail and the pride that every worker has is just something I have never experienced before.  You think, "Ah a job at a theme park".  But this is a major form of entertainment here.  It is actually an honor to be a performer at Disneyland Tokyo and I am learning for it to be an honor for me.  The joy is contagious.  Emotions are, I think; contagious that is.  Why not have one of joy and wonder?  Why the heck not!!!!!

I can't wait to get to the theater and to put on that dress that cost 4K and sing my little heart out!

To Climb or Not to Climb

Well I was unsure and now I am sure because I am here and 8 of the cast members that decided to take the climb left.  

Okay I gotta write more often because I am so on to something else right now!!!

I didn't climb and I am glad I didn't climb.  I have lot's to say about it but ..... oh geez, 

I Ahhhhh!!!

I just ate at this place where they place a pot of boiling water in front of you and you put meat and tofu and vegetables in the water and then eat it.  I said I would never eat with chopsticks but you really do get fuller faster and somehow it is easier to learn to use them.  Plus I don't know how to ask for a fork in Japanese.  When in Rome...  

I think what we ate was called Shabu Shabu.  I ordered Tempura as well.  That was okay, not as good as I remembered.  I am getting fuller faster which is a good thing.  There was so much food left over and the waitress was telling us that we needed to eat more.  I couldn't eat another thing, even though I am munching on the mini snicker bars that Sarah sent me with the cool black sneakers!!!  Thanks Sarah!!!!!

We have rehearsal at 7:45 and I think I am gonna take a Taxi with Chris and Jayson.  I had a bit too much afternoon Saki and it is raining and I am gonna try to get a quick nap in.  

I don't have much to do in rehearsal today, yesterday was my day.  Today will be Lateefah's turn.  I get to sit in the audience for 5 hours.  Glad I have a buzz.  Tomorrow will be Danni's turn and then we have two days off and begin our dress rehearsals.  We open on Wednesday.  The big deal is who will get to open, Danni, Lattefah or myself.  I really don't care.  Yesterday I did, I mean my ego would like to perform first but I don't think in the long run it matters.  Okay so I will put it out there, I would like to perform first!!!! We shall see, I'll keep you posted.  Me and and my ego.  

BTW  I don't really like Shabu Shabu.  It tastes pretty bland!

Just another day in Tokyo

I say I am going to write on here everyday but I feel it may get boring.  Well boring for who?  One of my goals is to complete a book.  Here come some fears, wanna hear?  Well if you are still reading that means YES!  I don't want to hurt any one's feelings so it thwarts my writing style.  I think the things I am reluctant to say are probably the most titillating  things to say, interesting or whatever.  But I don't want to offend.  One of my goals in coming to Japan and getting away from all of my comforts was to NOT recreate them.  Not become a caretaker, unless I am care taking me.  It is hard!!!!  I feel so guilty when I don't do it.  It's an addiction!!!!

Because of my lovely learning at USM I am also aware of some issues within my own psyche that need some attending to.  In the past I was so dagon busy fixing other people I didn't notice the splinter in my own eye.  A big projection I have is with a young lady that will remain nameless.  She is here and gets on my nerves!  For no apparent reason, just her presence irks me.  Everything she does sends me through the roof!  Ever have anyone like that in your life???  Well you know what it means?  You are PROJECTING!  What I am afraid I don't know.  But she just irks the living daylights out of me.