SURRENDER

There is an old gospel song that I used to sing before my father's sermon called I Surrender All.  

All to Jesus, I surrender, all to him I freely give.  I will ever love and trust Him in His presence daily live... Worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me Jesus take me now.  I surrender all, I surrender all,  all to thee my blessed savior, I surrender all.  

I have returned home to see that nothing has changed and everything has changed.  It is difficult to admit that I do not have a plan, a next step in my life or a plan as to how to repair my broken heart.  I must surrender to the unknown and truly walk in faith.  It is easier said than done.  The concept is quite simple but the doing is not so easy.  What if I run out of money?  What if I don't turn the corner, what if I stay in California, what if I move back east, what if I start from the point that I left, what if I don't make it?  What if I do make it:  what if I do turn that corner, what if I let go of the illusion that is my life and surrender to the will of my life?  What if, for once I walk in faith?  Again, easier said than done.  I am praying for surrender, for trust in the unknown as I take a leap of faith and surrender.  Easier said than done but this is my prayer, this is my hope.  

I have seen old friends and my heart aches for the suffering we impose on our hearts and minds.  I see it in others and know that I am but looking into the mirror of my own suffering.  I long for a new way of being and I long for faith in things not seen but hoped for.  I am setting an intention on this night to surrender and to walk in faith and open myself to the bountiful, abundant blessings of the universe.  

I will allow myself to feel the sorrow that is present in my heart, with faith that joy will soon replace the sorrow and mourning of the illusion that was my life that has been shattered.  

There is another song that has come to mind.  An older gospel tune. 

I will trust in the Lord, I will trust in the Lord, I will trust in the Lord, till I die.  I will trust in the Lord, I will trust in the Lord, I will trust in the Lord till I die.  We sing songs our whole lives, utter words without really understanding the true meaning, without trusting we sing.  It matters not your religious persuasion-Lord/Universe/God/Allah/ Jehovah/Life/It/Spirit replace them if you must.  I will trust in the ________.  Trust, surrender, faith.  Words that lead to the same place.  

Fill me with thy love and power, Let thy blessings fall on me.  I surrender all...