Morning Pages

Julia Cameron wrote this book called the Artist's Way. In it she suggests doing something called the morning pages. You wake up and write 3 pages of anything. Just as long as you write. That's the thing about writing, you have to write in order to get something down. I guess with anything you have to actually do it. Do something.

The great thing about performing everyday in front of 1500 people 2-5 times a day is that I get to really know a song in a way that I never would have known it had I not performed it over 15 times a week. And Japanese audiences are such that it is really important to believe in yourself, ride off of your own energy in a performance and not off of the energy of your audience. This is a new way for me. Usually there is a give and take that you can feel with American audiences. Like I can tell if they liked it or if they didn't like my performance based on audience response. Well you can't do that in Japan. You will finish a performance and barely hear a response and then I will run into a "fan" and they will talk about how much they love me. I am usually always shocked but this is a wonderful and new muscle to build. Taking the "do they like me" out of the equation and performing for the god's so to speak. Letting my unique flower bloom in its own unique way.

Once I saw Jill Scott perform in LA. I knew her casually in Philly but before she became famous. In LA I was looking at her and saw that her performance had changed. In looking at her it felt to me like she was actually having an audience with God or at least some angels. Yes we were there and she was connected to her audience but you could tell she actually loved the sound of her own voice. She loved it. Not in an egocentric way but in fact Self-love. I've been reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. He says that we can't allow ourselves to love us any more than we love ourselves. I believe this to be so true. One of my father's last words to me were, 'Sis I can't take care of you anymore, you gotta love you, no one can love you unless you do'. This notion has been around for ages but I am starting to understand it emotionally and fundamentally.

People have always told me how beautiful my voice is and I have always compared my voice to the voice of someone who was making more money than I and putting myself down. This energy bleeds into everything. My goal is not to be like Jill Scott but to feel that connection with all the arch angels and to suspend myself in time and space and be connected with all that is God and let my light shine and be blessed also.

This is a gift I have been given by the Japanese audiences. It has helped me to find myself and validate myself for myself. Ahhhh the Japanese.