114 of 365

Everyday has not happened this past week.  I caught a serious bug and all I can say is......MAN DOWN.  I will spare the raw details.

Quick re-cap.  I love my new friends.  They are so kind and supportive.  I was invited to the Philadelphia premiere of the David Mamet play RACE.  Not great reviews but i loved the writing and the questions the play poses.  A must see if in Philly.

I just booked a narrator spot on the Animal Planet's Bear Whisperer!  So excited and grateful and looking forward to a lucrative 2011 in the voice-over arena.  I am finally gaining some real momentum.

Got caught out in the snow storm and felt so alive.  So excited and in nature with friends laughing and making our way.  It was like a winter wonderland movie.  So many people outside having snowball fights, laughing in the street, slipping and sliding along and being friendly.  I love days like this.  

What are You afraid of? 112 of 365

saying what I really feel
taking risks really important risks.
to hold eye contact.

What are you afraid of?

Trapezing and such 111 of 365

getting instruction before we jump!

 This was not my idea at all!!!  My soul sister that inspires and encourages me had this amazing idea.  It came in a text.  Let's go trapezing!  Sounded simple enough.  I sort of entered into the idea about taking the trapeze class like a woman going into the hospital to deliver her first child.  Yeah, okay I'm about to have a baby.  Then a couple of hours later you are yelling and screaming in agonizing pain wondering why the heck a watermelon is about to come out of you.  Yeah okay I am gonna fly on Jan. 22 at the Trapeze School of New York.   No biggie.

Many people don't know this about me because I have traveled to every continent in the world with the exception of Antartica and Australia (is Australia a continent?  But I have a great degree of anxiety when flying alone.  I never seem to think about it when I am booking a ticket.  Maybe a bit of stress the night before.  But when I get on that plane.  I have been know to grab strangers, scream out in agony with the slightest bit of turbulence and sweaty palms and a turning stomach have been a to constant non-paying companion on many of my flights.

I started to feel the anxiety when I got to the top of the jump off point.  "What am I doing? What am I trying to prove?  Why exactly did I decide to do this?"  And the fear is not clear to me but it is grand and profound.  I am not a sweaty person but you can see the sweat spots in some of the pictures.  I was terrified.  I had to grab the bar about 5 times.  I kept saying, "I can't!  I can't"  One of the instructors stopped me and said, "Look at me, look at me......you are telling your brain that you can't and you will believe that.  Tell yourself you can and you will"
"But I can't"

"You can and you will"  Somehow I trusted this woman.  I didn't believe I could but I decided to play this little trick on my brain and say, "I can, I can"  I didn't do it convincingly but I kept saying it over and over, not even sure if I believed myself.  Before you know it they yelled, "Hep!"  And I was flying in mid-air.  I was shaking so much and trying to listen to the instructions of when to let go, when to turn myself upside down and all I could do is swing back and forth and release and fall properly.  Before you know it I am up there again.  Call it peer pressure.  But the second time was even scarier than the first because I knew what was coming and I just thought, "Why did I come back?  What was I thinking.  Why the hell am I up here again.  And again I flew, better form than the first but no hanging upside down.

yikes!

I learned so much about myself and my words and the power of my words.  Fake it until you make it is real!!!  Tell yourself you can and you will.  The brain is a sponge.  Learning to control your thoughts, is key to success.  This was an amazing experience.  And I think I will be going back because I know I can swing upside down.  I also will tell myself the things I need to in a much more committed fashion.

free fall rollercoaster ride

second time!  What was I thinking. 

perfect landing

we did it!

and scene!

NYC.....REMEMBERING TOKYO 110 of 365

New York, New York big city of dreams.  Today was a good day.  Did a voice over job, went to Reproductions to get MORE pictures and met my good dear friend Chris at Outback on 23rd.  Outback was the place that Chris and I used to rush to after work in Tokyo.  We would jump on the B bus from the Broadway Theater at Tokyo Disney Sea, rush through the security gate to

Mahaima station trying to hurry past the fans waiting at the gate to scream, cry or follow us and get on that train to Outback.  Being in Japan so long Outback made us feel like home.  It was great to see him and to commune with Chris.  We haven't seen each other in forever and my friend has been going through some serious health challenges.  I realized that while in Japan I was at the voice doctor's office almost every Thursday one of my day's off.  Chris was also off on Thursdays and would often accompany me through the scary process.  He has gone through so much of this challenging time alone.  I don't know how he does it, there is a silent strength in that man and a great and wonderful friend.  I feel seen with Chris and don't know exactly how to help him through this trying time.  I know his presence just made me feel better while in Japan, took my mind off of the troubles of the day and it didn't seem so bad.  Today I hope that was his day with me.  Still supporting even when not at his stronger I learned again what friendship is.  I am so lucky, so blessed and so grateful to have been so graced by such amazing near and dear friends.  'Some are silver and the other gold'.....

There were a few Japanese guys sitting behind us and it made the scene complete.  We traipsed through the city and there were so many memories of Japan.  Just moving through the city with such ease and grace.  I have learned NY the way that I learned Tokyo and I enjoy knowing, finally, what train gets me where and the maize is starting to make sense.  I remember my first week in Tokyo I though, 'how the hell am I gonna get ANYWHERE' and somehow with time and a little help from friends the gibberish the conductor made through the garbled sound system started to make sense and I knew I would make my way.  My first day traveling on the train in Tokyo was like learning to ride a bike without falling down.  My first train ride in NY was a similar one.  I was spending so much money on Taxi's I finally made my way into the dark, dirty subways of NY.  Very different than the quiet orderly and clean Tokyo but just as confusing.  Today I had the option train, taxi or walk.  I walked and took the city in and we walked and took the day in.  A day filled with blessings.

109

stream of consciousness writing and go!

had the best connection today and it feels so good.  so good to connect with another human being and to be seen to feel that someone sees you and gets you and honors you.  It encourages me to see others, to honor them in the smallest way.  I smiled on the inside today.  It felt good.

108

Love gives you a sense of power to do and to achieve every good. It puts you into the possibility zone and what you desire in that zone must manifest. Love is the most powerful, magnetic and attractive force in the universe. CENTER OF LOVE- Bro. Ishmael Tetteh

107

Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your eyes on the prize, keep your eyes on the prize hold on, hold on.

106 good eats

“Food, like a loving touch or a glimpse of divine power, has that ability to comfort.”
— Norman Kolpas

I ate good the entire day.  The two oranges I ate tasted like heaven.  Then I had oxtails for lunch.  They were not as good as I remembered, could have simmered a bit more but man did they still hit the spot.  Then dinner.......wow.  If you get a chance to go to SOHO in the city a divine eating heavenry is Emporio NYC.  

105

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”


"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first.  Ask questions, then feel the answer.  Learn to trust your heart"  
That is the most challenging thing for me in this life.  Following my heart.  I know, I know for some this is a huge surprise for some people.  Some things that are difficult for others are not at all difficult for me.  The blessing of a gift.  But some basic things for me are quite vulnerable and scary for me.  I know to achieve my highest dream I must move past this and trust my heart and FOLLOW IT.  My prayer and my intention

104

“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.”

― Margaret Drabble In the voice of my alter ego...'I need God himself to come down and knock them on the head and say SHE IS THE ONE! THIS IS HER TIME AND YOU WILL MAKE A WAY FOR HER' AMEN? In the voice of my father. AAAAAAAAAAMEN!

103

I am trying not to get upset when I watch television and see terrible actors.  How in the heck did they get there and why am I sitting at home watching?????  It is so important I know NOT to develop that mentality.  To hold in the positive for what IS mine.  Allowing and staying in the light of my own light, my own path and my own faith is A CHALLENGE.  I will keep praying and keep my heart and eyes open for next steps from God.

102

I am really tired. I am really wanting and needing to call in an advocate.  I think my career is in need of advocacy.  I need a break, I need someone to bang on someone's door and to say, "GIVE THIS GIRL A CHANCE YOU WON'T BE SORRY!  YOU WILL BE SORRY IF DON'T!"

101

... whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ...


holding a positive focus.  That is my goal for monday.  speak only and control my thoughts and hold in positive.......ill let u know how it goes

100

When there are days that I don't do anything on the journey I feel like, I gotta be doing more.  Should be doing more but I know that it is important to renew and get the energy back.

100 days of writing.  Like on the 100th episode there should be some sort of celebration.  Something big and loud and profound.  But I got nothing.  Mamma said there would be days like this.

Growing Pains 99

Having goals is a tricky road.  Appreciating the journey is the key.

98 of 365

I technically have NOT written for 2 days but really just one.  I wrote over 15 pages yesterday on my new project.  More to come on that later.

1.  Many new projects for the new year.  I have been asked by so many people, 'Matt why don't you have an album?' that is in order for  2011.

2.  I will complete my first book in 2011.

3.  I will begin to post webisodes.  I am not sure when that will start but I think March will be my first episode.

4.  I will get a Legit/Theatrical agent this year.  And a big push to turn that career corner in a BIG way.

5.  I will find love in 2011.  I have learned A LOT about myself and how I have thrown myself under love's bus in many ways my whole life really.  That will change, I will stop running for myself and settle down.  And a baby.  (Did I say that?)

97

A big move in the new year.  Big not like loose weight, which I will do.  Improve my career which is bound to happen but big internal moves like me standing in my truth, speaking it, living it, being it.  Yeah that's my resolution

Holy Communion 96

Today was the first Sunday in the new year.  I went to church had communion and really thought about how important this day was for me as a child.  An opportunity to forgive myself.  Forgiveness, renewal. We do things and the thought of them, the guilt is the real prisoner.  Communion is about renewal in the year and each and every month.

95

Happy New Year.  I thought about doing a month in review, things I wanted to commit to and the lot.  Not today.  Today is about today, living in the now, living in the present moment and BEing.