コエヲダスコトガデキナイ

KOE WO DASU KOTO GA DEKINAI

or I can't speak/talk

No fretting here I actually can speak but for the healing process of the chord I am advised not to speak for at least a week.  Then very little speaking the 2nd week then I should have the 25%  that I have lost in the past couple of months BACK!!!   

I must say even though the wing of the international hospital that I stayed in must have been the non-international side and built circa 1970 I felt very well cared for.  Like an honored guest.  I had one room-mate who was in for some sort of gum surgery and she stood at my bed and cheered me on as I went down to surgery.  My surgical nurse spoke perfect English and went to NYU and lived in NY for 7 years.  I remember her holding my hand and looking softly into my eyes as the general anesthesia began to take its affect.  I said, "I'm going" she said, "remember me"  such an odd thing to say but I do remember her and how kindly I was treated in a foreign land having surgery.  Without Jason, or my mom or my friends, my BBB family sent me text messages and Brian, Naoko and Ebony came to visit and I didn't feel alone.  

My room-mate kept giving me oranges and urged me to come to her side of the room.  Our room divided by a dingy pink partition.  She pulled it back and said, "dozo" which means something like, 'it's yours or be my guest or go ahead take it'  She pattered on in Japanese but i knew she was talking about the amazing view of Shinjiku outside our window.  I looked and oooed and ahhed but was more touched that she wanted me to feel at home.  She suspected from the translators that accompanied me and made clear all that was not, that I was alone and wanted to do all she could with her limited English to ease my comfort.  

I heard her cry out in between quiet snores during the two nights we shared a room.  Her surgery was scheduled for the day after mine and the day of my release from the Shinjiku International Medical Center.  In the morning when the translator came they told me she was amazed at my bravery and that she was terrified.  I wrote on my board, since I am no longer speaking for 1 week, "gambatte ne"  she beamed.  I think it means something like good luck, gods speed I really don't know but I know it means well and she got the meaning.  

My surgery went better than expected.  The polyp had shrunk a bit.  I told everyone this and they thought I was being silly.  So the 10-20 minute surgery ended up being 5.  There were absolutely no complications.  It took me a while to wake up though.  I believe that my sweet nurse was off helping another scared soul.  I was in the usual expected post surgery pain.  My upper lip was busted.  Not quite sure how that one happened, guess I will never know that one.  Jaw hurt from being pry ed open so far.  Throat was sore from the tubes, but other than that I was pretty genki.  

Back in my room my roommate was waiting anxiously.  For her I know her concern was two-fold.  The first I already mentioned but the second; if I made it, if I came back alive somehow it meant she would.  She wanted to talk to me and the translators, angels in their own right, urged her not to talk too much that I was unable to talk to heal my chords.  "Ah big singer!"  I saw her eyes brighten as she backed up and I drifted back into the ether's of my surgical bliss.  I was having a dream or was in a happy place when they aroused me.  I couldn't quite get back there.  

Slowly as I came two she came and gave me two tangerines.  I nodded and smiled.  

I left the hospital before she got out of surgery.  But in the same way she rooted for me, I rooted for her, am still rooting for her speedy recovery.  Last night as I lay in my comfortable bed in Shin-Urayasu, I thought of her and the dingy room we shared for two nights.  Was she alone in that room, was someone there to replace me?  I wanted her name or something but I don't think I will ever see her again.  For me she was my angel of hope and she helped get me through.  Deshta my friend!