Video Shoot

I woke up today with an upset stomach and a hoarse voice.  My cousin asked me, "are you nervous?"  I quickly replied, "No!"  Well I hoarsely replied, "Naaoo".  She went to walk to Tokyo Bay which is a five minute walk from my apartment in Shin-Urayasu.  When she left I felt an incredible sadness and I realized I am afraid and feel very alone in this.  The reality is that I have love and support around me and I have yet to let it in, to let it seep in.  

Last night I dinner I decided to pay.  Naoko was refusing and Chris said, "Naoko there is an art in receiving as well as giving...say Thank You"  Today those words are rumbling in my gut.  Everyone, well not everyone but a lot of people have been supportive by giving thoughts, creativity, ideas or by giving encouraging words and I am working hard this morning to allow them to penetrate.  

I am doing a video and while it will be amateur it is important because it is me, my music and my face that I will be putting out there.  Just me.  I tell myself it is no big deal but that is far from the truth.  So as the dancers gather, the players both behind the scenes and in front, I pause to say:  I'm scared, I'm excited, I am happy and sad.  I am grateful that my cousin, one of my biggest fans (even if it's just because she is family) is here to take part in what I hope is the beginning of many more videos, movies, projects.  I breathe.... and "action"!