Monday, May 11 2009

New Jersey. 

I have been here a week and two days.  And I must say so far, I do not like it.  With all the sadness I felt in LA because the life I came home (LA) to was nothing that I had planned or imagined while in Japan, still, I felt a connection, a groundedness an unseen and unfelt support system for myself in Los Angeles.  I do not feel that here.  I feel a coldness, a typicalness, and the skelaton of an old paradigm here in Jersey.  I felt a small surge, a spark of something in NY but it was dirty and it made me miss the chaotic order of the buzzing streets of Japan- well minus the spatially challenged Japanese bumping into you and cutting you off and stopping dead in your tracks to look at there cells.  This may be part of the process, but I fear my only connection to the south Jersey area is that my roots are here.  I was born and raised here and I have dear friends that I will never loose a connection with no matter where I am.  I am looking for something, some kind of sign that says yes stay you can build from this place.  My mother needs me but that is not my life.  I have had a few hints of something here and there but no joy.  Still underneath it all I do have a sense that no matter where I am, since I am success and joy and light I will attract it, if I but trust.  And still what makes my heart sing is sun, progressive thinking, open minds of LA.  

There is something to be said about roots.  I have to think of what I missed most in LA.  Roots.  Something to think about. 

Small annoyances.

There is a beautiful talented young lady talking right now and I really want her to shut her face. I have decided to be a bit more authentic and I think that was a good start. She is talking and I am writing and she is continuing to talk to me. I don't think it matters to her that I am writing. Interesting.

So I am making the commitment to write. I want to write and I don't want to write. I don't feel like writing and I don't have anything Japanesey to write about other than annoyances. Like my momma said, "If you don't have nothin nice to say don't say anything at all!!" But then this blog wouldn't be interesting.

Okay Asians are spatially impaired I believe. I mean I am sure there are certain gifts and handicaps that each ethnic group has and as an American not really putting my self into an ethnic group for this one, it is highly annoying. So I am walking along to the train station and someone will cut me off walking directly in front of me. Okay like this happens in NY all the time. This is where the two worlds diverge. They walk in front of me and then just stop to look at something that catches there attention or to finish a text or just to lolly gag around in front of me at a snails pace!!!!!! It's like running to catch up to someone to pass them and then you stop as SOON as you get in front of them so that they will rear end you!

Then at the grocery store. A family will take up the entire isle. Kids spread all over the isle, parents discussing what must be the cosmic revolution. I am trying to be polite here. I know they see my black ass. I am a bit of an anomaly being a black woman in Japan and all and still nothing-no move to the side- no "sumimasen" (excuse me) or "gomenasi" (sorry) except maybe some gaping stares from the kids. I wanna yell, "move the hell out of the damn isle!!!! You see me here with this cart trying to shop to! I mean do you have to take up the whole isle? This ain't yo living room!!"

People say Asians can't drive. I mean there are some who can but as a whole there does seem to be some spacial awareness differences that play into the whole driving thing. I have been doing some research and have found that there are a few studies that site the differences in spacial awareness and that Asians do have a bit of tunnel vision. Maybe that is why the technology is so advanced but why it takes 10 people 1 week to make a decision about a shift change at work. I'm just sayin. Common sense is not common to all people in all places. Another reason could be from over population. I don't know and usually I don't care but lately just a bit annoying.

This happens at least 10 times a day to me. And instead of feeling victimized-I know it is not personal- i wrote about it. Whew. That feels better. It was really beginning to build up!!