Our Deepest Fear

The following is a poem from author Marianne Williams, I think it is from her book "Return to Love"

Nelson Mandela quoted this in his inaugural speech. I think it is quite amazing. I would love to hear what this poem speaks to you, if anything. Comment below in the comment box. This poem changed my life.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

All these pills

I have a cold!

I'm like can't u put these all in one pill? I know u can, this is the god-mother of all things wise.....why so many pills!!!!
1:15 AM

1 for stuffy 2 for phlegm 3 for cough
1:15 AM

4 anti-inflamitory
1:16 AM

5 anti-inflamm
1:16 AM

6 antibiotic
1:16 AM

7 protect the lining of my stomach from 1-6!!!!!!

The Book

The truth of the matter is, there are some things I can't or won't say on this blog and this makes me sad. Freedom of speech is a right but in this country I am afraid that this is not so. This inspires me to infer things more or less and write a book! I got more to say but it just doesn't feel right. Now I think I should have started this blog anonymously. I am wondering how many people out there feel censored in their lives. How many times, because common sense tells us, shut ourselves down, opt NOT to say something for fear of loosing friendships, jobs or what have you. The truth shall set you free but they also say, truth hurts and that no one wants to hear the truth.

It reminds me of a story. The names shall remain nameless - can I say that?- lets just say that a friend of mine met a guy. She told me about how much of a gentleman he was, it was like a dream. I vicariously lived through her as she recounted the intimate dates she had with him. She lived in Jersey and he would always take her on dates in Philly. He would always pay the toll for her, park her car and his apartment would always be adorned with candles and small little gifts of chocolate and sweetness for her. She had mentioned his name many times to me and I never paid it much attention until, one day, I heard the name. An unusual name, and I realized that I knew this name but thought it could be a coincidence. More than two people could have the name Fukaro right? Wrong. I said, "Wait a minute, what did you say his name was?", and it all came back to me. I started asking questions, "Is he from the Ivory Coast?"
"Yes"
"Does he have a mark above his left eye?"
"Yes! You know him?"
"Uhhhh....." was my response, "I think I was at his wedding..." My father married this guy who was from another country to the daughter of close family friends. I remember the wedding well. I felt that he looked lingeringly into my eyes, but I just brushed it off as him being fine as hell and me wanting a fairytale wedding like the one I'd just witnessed. They looked so happy and in love. What I remember most is how much money her parents spent on the wedding. I think it was something like 30K, and they gave them the down payment on a house. Now is the same guy courting my friend less than a year later? We had to investigate. I called the Jones's and asked them if the wedding pictures were ready and told the that I wanted to drive around the corner to see them. I picked up Mary my friend that was dating Fukaro who lived only 2 streets over from the Jones family. Cindy, Fukaro's wife, happened to be there and Mary and I decided that we were going to tell them that she was making a big mistake and to get out of the marriage fast!

My mother warned me against it, " You will be the enemy...you'd better mind your own business... a lot of people like to kill the messenger" But Mary and I knew better. We knew that we would wanna know if it were us and Mary really didn't believe it was her Fukaro. Maybe he had a twin. We knocked on the door, and Mrs. Jones and Cindy were so happy that I wanted to see the pictures they opened the door like two little school-girls. I introduced my friend Mary and they offered us hot chocolate and warm brownies. As we looked at the pictures, Cindy bragged, "Yeah most girls put up with so much, but I waited for the right guy! You guys don't let the guys fool you! You set your standards high and stick to them" Mary's eyes welled with tears as I knew she recognized that this, indeed, was her Fukaro. Our eyes met and we decided that maybe my mother was right and we held on to our bit of truth. They were still married, happily. But he had another apartment and he entertained women there.

I wanna take a poll. What would you have done in this situation? Would you have told, Or kept your silence?
Comment so you can all see the different opinions. I am interested to know. Is truth relative?

DAY 7

LAST DAY!!!!!!!!
Uhhhhhhh, I kinda fell off the wagon.....

DAY 6

TODAY I discovered pumpkin! Well yesterday. I did a bit of research and pumpkin light the tomato is a fruit. But it is considered a veggie. Yeahhhhhh!!! It's on my program! I made pumpkins soup and it was divine! Though this morning I had a flash back of eating baby food the smooth creamy goodness calmed the little baby in me who thought she was through forever with the smushy stuff. I sauteed garlic, onion and pumpkin with a little OV then salt, pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and 2 cubes of 0kal sugar. When it got nice and soft I put it in the blender then heated up a TBS of butter and 1/8 c of fat free milk and voila! yummy creamy goodness.

The girls in the dressing room told me today I could open a soup place. I could be like the soup Natzi on Sienfeld. Okay, let me not get away from myself but that soup was good.

I then made another soup, combining the veggie soup with a beef mixture I made. Oh! It was heaven!

So I am doing good but look forward to the fast (not so fast) being over. Now I need to look ahead and decide what I will be doing to maintain. Probably my ole saftey healthy weight watcher way of being. Actually everything on this fast is a part of the Core Program on Weight Watchers. So I have really just been following the program! lol!

Fast what is this day 5

Over the hump and chilling al the way. Nothing deep to say about it, I am happy and over it in a good way. Yesterday was really hard in the beginning of the day. I think that is the hardest part of changing a habit. The volcanic pull or resistance seems unbearably hot and consuming. Probably the ego trippin the heck out. There is a little part of me dying even when making good choices and for me its important to give that little man screaming and flailing about in the fiery furnace his space or I feel I will find myself in the same place tomorrow or the next always giving up and starting over because I can't bear the screams any longer. I let him screamed. Sent him light and love and kept it moving.

Day 4 I think.....

My heart is a two way street. I offer love to others and openly accept love from others.

thought for the day



ummmmmm I had a horribly great day. I was crying in the morning and laughing and joyous by the evening. That's the way of an authentic life I tell. Just allowing myself to be. And forgiving myself and not harrassing myself so much. Someone told me today to not think to hard today and that reminds me of a thing my father used to say when I was getting all riled up over something, in his gruffy husky voice that sounded like a loud whisper he would utter, "hey, hey hey....take it easy sis" Easy on myself has been the call order or the day. Cuz honey I was a hot mess today. The think that annoys me on a bad day is when a countryman hurridly walks in front of me and then starts walking like a snail. I wanna say, "hey you cut me off" Too much energy blown on that. So I went to the Dr. with the translater, just telling all my personal business. Then went to the post office and thought I would be in there maybe 20 minutes because I DIDN'T have a translator. Okay an hour and a half later I wanted a cigarette, then I felt bad for wanting the cigarette. I don't know what is worse the cigarette or the feeling bad about the cigarette. Then I went to Lee's shop to get my hair cut. Mr. Lee said, "Matt you cutting your hair a lot are you stressed out" I said, "YES! HAI!" And literally the day went uphill from there. His shop is located in Roppongi and Ekko his Japanese black girl hair guru (he cuts my hair) are there and people just drop in and it makes me feel at home. Two girls from Nigeria via NY 1 visiting her sister who is a financial analyst now l in Japan came in. Another from England via Guyana who teaches and translates for companies. One from California who teaches at a school. By the end of the night we were old friends laughing and kekeeing it. I could have sat there all night. Like me they are in Japan for different reasons at different times. I felt a comradarie and respect for these women and unspoken closeness that takes place everytime I go to Room 806-Mr. Lee's shop.

Oh this was supposed to be about the fast. I was to eat bananna's and milk for some reason. All I have to say is that saved my life because I was fadin fast honey! I broke down at the shop and had a salad with some parm flakes and 1/2 of the dressing. It was like an IV in my soul. I then went on an amazing boat ride for Brian's birthday. Met a few more journeyman, a girl from Australia who was singing on the boat. And now am back for my last bananna milk shake.

Not eating brings up issues but I can say if they coming up that means they were in there and I am grateful. Better out than in. Like poo.